Failure

Someone help me out, i am failing at going to the gym in the mornings.  I think it is because I am staying up and trying to get things done for the house but I havent had any luck this week.  Last week i went three times, so yay! 

I bought a lot of nail polish from my friends, so I have really pretty nails when I go out and coach debate.  Some of my debaters are doing well.  I know I am looking more professional because I am looking to show the kids that its all about being professional. 
I am still modeling for Cato, if you have Instagram, find them CatoSalinaKS
It is fun.  It lets me be myself and show that even us bigger women can have cute clothes! 

I am still doing my business, and if you are interested you should let me know!! :D  I need to get motivated to go to the gym though so any motivational techniques you have, please let me know!!

New Month New...Wait... NOV 1

I have been down this path before. New month new me...new month new look...etc.
I am trying very hard though! I couldn't get out of bed this morning so I need help with that.  I really let myself slide when I got my tendinopathy diagnosis.  I have physical therapy for it next week (Nov 6) but at the same time, I really don't want to go because it is super expensive and insurance doesn't cover very much of it.  :(  At the same time though, I know that it is a necessary evil to continue to have mobility in my wrist.

So in other news, I have gained a lot of followers in the social media world.  As a model for Cato, as a cosplayer, and as a distributor for Herbalife.
As a coach, I am 300 points away from my next level and I am so excited!!

I also have been doing well as the assistant coach in debate! the kids are enjoying my company and the coach and I are switching weekends.  Our home tournament is soon.  Like the 9th.  I am super excited for it!

Last night I took my kiddo trick or treating and I wanted to go off on a lady.  She wouldnt give him candy until he said trick or treat.  I explained to her that he has processing problems, and she went off on how he didnt have a blue pumpkin or a sticker saying he had autism.  Like lady, that is not the point of trick or treating.  bleh. it was so heartbreaking.  But another lady made up for it by letting him play with the science equipment as much as he wanted, which is good because he loves science so much.

If You are Still Reading this, Thank you

I have been struggling with whether or not I should even tell you guys this, but about two weeks ago I reconnected with a person that I should not have. 
Here is the run down.  We dated in high school, and a little bit after.  Then we dated a few years ago.  He broke up with me after a while and I for a weird reason, still loved him, like a lot.  I found him on a dating app and of course SWIPE RIGHT!! I still talk with his mother, so I told her about it, presenting it in a haha guess what just happened way.  She encouraged me to talk to him through text and gave me his number. 
Lets fast forward, to where I told him that it was me and he started telling me that I was the source of all his problems.  I needed to commit suicide and I needed to die.  Yup.  He went on and on for hours about how i was a pox on earth and we all would live better without me and how i was fat and ugly and unlovable.  It is important to note here i did not retaliate, I did not respond, I let him talk it out.  Then he threatened to kill me.  I called the police.  He was arrested.  He bailed out the next morning.
I can never eat at my favorite restaurant again because he is a manager there :(

Ok that being said, I made plans to go to homecoming at my college for three days.  But i had to cancel them because my parents didnt realize their convention was the same weekend.  No biggie.  I was sad but I can always go again next year.  That is how i got over that.  I took z to the  zoo, a friend came down and paid for it as a birthday gift for the both of us, and all he wanted to see were the ostriches!  We did look at other animals briefly but he wanted the ostriches. 
Z and I tie-dyed early in the morning so that by night he would be able to see the items before I put them in the wash.  It was fun.

I went out with some friends this weekend and DRAMA happened. I didnt drink because someone has to be the driver, but I regret dragging some better friends of mine into this mess.  I did discover that I do have serious feelings for one of my friends, but we talked about it late at night and decided it best to just be friends an let things happen naturally if they do.  I should mention that it has been 20 years since we have been friends. 

I have a debate tournament today so I am looking to show the kids how to dress appropriately and act accordingly.  The only thing I did not do was wear dress shoes, knowing that I would be doing a lot of walking around. 

I am reinventing myself!  I have my business that I am starting to actually get a hold on!  I am also getting more healthy!!  I let myself slide a lot since my wrist went out, but I am getting back in it!!  I love helping people. 

Stay beautiful friends!!

General update

alright yall! 
I applied and got the assistant debate coach position so i have been working with the kids on that.  We had our first meet last night and I feel like there were nerves and even though we were practicing and didnt really know what we were doing, the nerves dissipated by the end of the night and i had hyper kids on the way home. 

In one of the classes I am in, Intro to Theater, we are getting ready to preform monologues.  One kid has decided to do Juliet's Romeo.  I am excited because I love Romeo and Juliet so I am helping her do that. 

Biology is going well. 

Art class is going well.

Overall I feel like I am doing well with everything as far as work goes.  I am still struggling to get up in the morning and go to the gym. 

My love life is a mess yall.  I do not feel like I am doing so great in that area. 

I had someone tell me that I look really cute and out of the era all the time and it lifted me up because sometimes all you need is a little compliment to get you through the day.

Try and do good today. Compliment someone today. 

I think that I have carpal tunnel in my right wrist.  I have been wearing a brace for a few weeks, taking it off to breath once and a while but last night it was so stinky that I had to take it and wash it so we shall see how my day goes today without it. 

Dead

That is it.  I am 100 percent dead

Not really.  I am just really tired.  I spent a lot of time in bed this few weeks after being sick.  Head cold, allergies, and sinus infection.  i managed to sleep it off but then i got a cough that has been killing me and making my throat hurt.

I have not been having the best time sleeping lately and i know self care is important so i am trying to get myself up in the mornings to do reading or any other kind of self help that i need but sometimes i just want to sit in bed and stare at the wall.  i was there for thirty minutes today and couldnt drag myself out of bed.  it is harder and harder and i am not sure how much longer i can go without just taking time off.

People HI

I am still alive. 
I am in classes this year and loving them! I am already very happy with my kiddos in class!!

My son started Kindergarten and I am an emotional mess!  He is doing really well and comes home excited about his science class.

I am still modeling, I am still doing work outs and shakes. 
I am reading a lot more.  I am also listening to audio books. 

Lets get real.  I know that I am not where i want to be physically, so i am working on that.  Recently I have not been able to get out of bed in the mornings to get to work out and that is not my happy place.  I start off great, monday tuesday sometimes wednesday but by the week's end, i am dead.  I hope that by being honest with myself i can honestly say it is my diet, probably even my emotional state.  I have been doing a lot of people helping which i am good at but i havent taken time for me in a while so this is me trying to reconnect with myself.  Writing and reading have always been my escape so I need to remember to do that :D

Hope you are still around to listen to me!

Lets talk about things.

May 20
First of all, I have done a lot of working out!!!  I am down 23 pounds since January and I am feeling amazing in my body!! I wanted to feel amazing for the wedding that I was in, but I love love love the way I feel so I have been continuing it.

I am going to be real with you guys though.  I have depression.  I have anxiety.  I have a hard time focusing at times.  My depression I need to have a medication for, which I need to schedule appointments for.  I have such a hard time remembering to make the appointment, and then there is always the money thing.  Between the counseling and the medication appointments that will be 60 dollars.  Which can be used for gas or food.  In addition, the medication itself is only 6 dollars so hey i the long run its worth it.  I always feel better after my counselor and I talk though.  Like everything that I have been holding onto just phases away.
Because this is my space for my thoughts I have to say that I fell for someone.  What does this have to do with depression? Well let me explain.  I have a habit of giving things fully.  Giving my whole being into a relationship.  We were friends.  We spent a lot of time together and I was starting to fall for him and then when he told me that he wasnt wanting what i was and let me tell you that i was hurt, crushed, and frankly, angry.  Because i allowed someone to come into my life and be around me and i took time to learn things about him and open up to him. But it will be okay, i have taken him from all social media.

Keep following me on my personal facebook page as well as here!  I have started a cosplay page as well which you can find here.

June 11
How is it already half way through June!? 
I am still working out, I am still doing shakes and meals.  I am still me and alive.  I work a lot though.  Ask me what i am doing at midnight making this post though!  Go on, ask.  Okay since you were so polite about it.  I am transferring all my pictures from my laptop to Flash drives!!  It is taking SOOOO long!!  I did not realize I took THAT many pictures of my kid!!  Who let me do that!???
But as a mother that is something you do.  you take a lot of pictures to share with the world.  I am doing some modeling for the store, Cato.  If you have an instagram you can look for them @salinakscato  or something like that.  I love the way i feel when i put on clothes and walk around in them when they are sizes smaller than my normal!! 
I will probably post more later, but for now I just thought i would check in and let you guys know i AM still around.

WOW

I want to travel.  I have always wanted to see Switzerland.  Well, this year, a group of students will be taken to Switzerland and the Mediterranean Coast.  I have put in my deposit to go.  Now to get a new driver's license saying that I can fly (apparently they changed the license in two years since I have gotten one) and a passport.  My family and I have talked it over and I am doing research on everything.
I have a feeling that this will be a great trip and a huge step for me!

Lets talk Endgame, shall we? I saw it on opening night.  I had SO many feels.  Also, I realize that it is a big movie, (1.8 billion opening weekend) but why is it when you tell people you have watched it they immediately say, NO SPOILERS!? Like first of all people, I wouldn't do that.  Secondly, I know how important it is to people so I wouldn't spoil it at all!

I have been using these shakes and teas from herbalife.  i usually go to the place in town (there are three here) but then I signed up as a preferred member so i got a 15 percent discount when i would buy online so i did that for a while.  Then I signed up this weekend to be a distributor!  I get a discount plus a profit.  I already have a customer and a second one on the way when he gets paid at the end of the week.  I am so excited to start this journey and grow. 

Not myself

I have not felt like myself lately guys.  I had a fun time at the wedding a few weekends ago, but my heart also broke.  I wont go into too much detail just know that is part of the reason I have been away so long.  I am trying to redefine myself and be happy where I am. 

I havent been to the gym as much as I should and I know that is part of the reason too. 

My parents are tearing up my upstairs to make a room for my kiddo.  He wants it so bad, but I dont see what was wrong with what he had oh well. 

Comicon Photoshoots

I will eventually edit all of these photos as I am learning how to use photoshop right now :D

Is this happening!?

I love the series If popular sodas were people, and i decided to cosplay Sprite!!  I have dyed the hat green, gotten blue ribbon, and a dress pattern :D  

I am on my way to getting things done for comicon this weekend where I will meet my favorite actor!!  John Wesley Shipp! 

I will also meet the VA of Artemis while i am cosplaying Luna.

Feelings

What do you do when you have feelings?  Are you like me and bottle them up inside of you until they are bursting at the seams to get out?  What happens when they do get out?  Is there a metaphorical river running through you in the form of searing hot tears and anger and sadness?  Yes.  Me. All the time.  Actually no, not all the time.  Just recently it seems.

I take an antidepressant.  I know, weird that such a happy-go-lucky person as myself would need it.  Well, I do.  I didn't know that I did until I was pregnant though (age 23).  I was always in therapy though to learn how to communicate and express my feelings.  It is not easy for me to do this.  I am best when I am writing, it is when I truly shine.  Which is partly why I started this blog.  Some place where I could come and talk about what I want.  What I need.  What I feel.  Me. Me. Me.

That being said, I am hurting.  I see my friends around me these days, getting married, having kid number two or three, buying houses.  Meanwhile, I have nothing.  I live in my old room in my old house in my old town.  I live there because I cannot afford to live on my own.  I have two jobs because I can't support myself otherwise. But I also cannot support my son either.  I do not like the way I look.  I have been trying to change that by getting up and going to the gym more.  However, as of late, I have no desire to.  No drive to get up in the mornings and go.  (I did today though! I took a long hot shower and sat in the massage chair to relax).  I don't want to be alone.  I don't want to be the one person that has no love life.  I put myself out there several times and it always comes back to bite me in the ass.  This person doesn't want kids, well i have a kid so sorry.  Another doesn't want a relationship, but i do.  So I have come tot he conclusion that maybe i am just not meant to have a love life.  I will remain alone, which is okay for now, but not really. 

I love my kid to the end of the world and back.  I know that he is smart.  He knows that he is smart.  My kid just loves to learn, kind of like me.  He, however, does not really know when to turn it off.  And that is part of him, I know, but it has been annoying to me lately.  And maybe, as a normal person, I do not know how to respond and/or react to him being the autistic kiddo that he is.  We are working on it together.  I have been reminding him of hula hoops and how every person has a hula hoop around them called a boundary or personal space.  He is doing better with that, but still struggles. His loudness has no filter. It is always set at one level: loud!  The annoying thing to me that I should have started off with I guess, is that he knows so much stuff about so many different things and I really don't care.  Mom did you know, mom did you know, did you know, did you know, hey try this, do this, this is because... and on and on and on!  I am really thinking that there is no off button.  Even at bedtime he would rather me make up a story about something he learned that day than hear a bedtime story.  I know your IQ is 125 and that is higher than the normal person's IQ, but you have to stop and smell the roses sometimes. I don't really care about black holes and science experiments dude.  I should not complain though because he is who he is and that is not going to change.  It is just something that has been bothering me that I needed to let go of.

Sorry if this was dragging on and long.  I promise that soon it will not be so hard for me to post such emotional things.  I just need to get out of my head and back into my own routine.  Do not fear my awesome friends, I am working on cosplays and writing more in my book.  With any luck, maybe I may achieve my goal to be published :D

Lots of things

So many things have happened lately!  I need to let you all in on a few things.

Spring Break. I worked at the ice cream store pretty much all week.  Hours equal hours though!
It was alright overall though.  Our waffle cone iron died, we ran out of rocky road ice cream, and people were sad and upset.  People were also upset that we don't offer free water. We have bottles of water that are available to be bought for a dollar, but not like a cup we can give out to you...

Okay so I will spill the beans and let you know that I did end up sleeping with (read as: had sex with) the guy that I was seeing.  We weren't  planning on it.  It happened.  It was great.
We are good friends and we see each other a lot especially with the wedding coming up.  He is the best man and I am a bridesmaid so we get to help out with 'lil details.  I hope to goodness that doesn't detour your reading.  I mean, I like the guy and he has said that he likes me but isn't ready to be in a relationship so just hanging out as friends will have to be enough, and for now it is. 

Well as far as spring break goes, it wasn't too bad.  My son wanted to be the statue of liberty and so I spent an entire evening making him a crown out of paper plates and construction paper and paint.  It turned out nicely!!  He turned his dinosaur tail inside out so the scales did not show, and he was so happy!!

Okay in one week I will be going to comicon!! I am SOOO excited to meet my hero, John Wesley Shipp, the original Flash *in my eyes*  and then on top of it i get to show off my awesome skills at makin costumes, especially with what I already have in my closet!! :D

Well this is about all i have to say

A Post

True to its namesake, March came in like a lion!!
We cancelled school Monday March 4 with temperatures at negative 16 with the wind chill!!  There was also about four inches of snow.  Luckily it was the fluffy powdery stuff. 

Let me just update you on things so far.
My son was so sick but the doctors just kept saying it was a cold.  Even with his temperature spiking to 104 at times.  He was so good about it though, lots of cuddles and lots of over the counter medication.
At one point I was supposed to go out on a date, but needed to be a mom.  Luckily the guy understood.

School has been going well. I have a great relationship with several of the students, but others not so much.  I have hit a wall with one kid and hope that maybe i can get a little more information when I talk to the case manager.

To follow up on the date: rescheduled for this weekend, the beginning of March.  We went and watched Alita Battle Angel. I highly recommend it.  It has unexpected "feels." I bought the tickets and the popcorn and he got the drinks.  It was a great combo really.  He is so sweet.  We went back to his place and watched Austin Powers.  I have only ever saw that in bits and pieces.  We stopped halfway through to go eat, and went back to finish it.  Along with The Mask and Yes Man.  It was a great way to end the weekend.

I also finished a book, Lucky Suit.  So cheesy but a quick, easy read.

Beware

I see that I have gained some new readers on this blog.  Welcome, welcome.

I would like to start by saying this is my own personal blog and what I put is mine.  With that in mind, here is my story.

This weekend I enjoyed the company of my friends.  I had gone over to my friends house after work Friday night for a group meeting.  As I mentioned previously, I am in a Star Wars saber group.  We don't do a lot during the winter months but sometimes you just want your friends.  We watched Avatar the Last Airbender.  I approached the door, heard my favorite line and burst through the door and finished the quote.  For those of you curious souls, it is "It's a giant mushroom! Maybe it's friendly! Friendly mushroom!" One of my friends was not blessed to see this as a kid, and so we had to rewind it so she could hear everything not just me.

Got home and enjoyed some sleep.  So much so in fact, that i was asleep until noon when my kid came in and told me to rise and shine.  I knew that I needed to get up.  I had to play with my kiddo and I needed to fold laundry and do the dishes.  Mostly I needed to figure out how i was going to go to work and the Harry Potter Party at the bookstore.  All things aside, I did go.  I caught the tail end of the party, bought three books for my kiddo (dinosaurs and space), and made it to work no problems.
I had my friend's daughter help me make a Luna Lovegood Lion head!!  But it doesnt fit, so I am going to have to remake it.  

So I get to work and do well.  It is fun to work at the ice cream shop, its a lot of down time when there arent a lot of people right now in the winter but I am assured that we will pick up in the spring.  I will be working on Valentine's day.  But that is not a big deal.

Back to my day.  I went to my friend's house again after work and this kids is where things happen.  We played a game, Joking Hazard.  Loved it!!  We decided to play one where we drink.  I dont know what was happening or why, but i drank.  I drank so much.  I know that I was pretty wasted because I told the cat to shush.  I also had to hold the cards pretty much to my face to read them.  I do not wish this on ANYONE.  I felt so horrible the next day.  I was dry heaving all day and finally after eating a banana I was able to toss my cookies.  Again, I DO NOT wish this of anyone.  Don't do it kids.  Just DONT.  I stayed the night with them so that I could sleep and get rid of the drunkness.  Sunday I could hardly do anything but play with my son quietly.  I was cold and shaking. 

So that my friends and readers is how my weekend was.  

Hello Again

Hello again from me, your friendly blogger.

I am still living a healthy lifestyle, eating a lot healthier (less out to eat) to me that is a big deal.  I usually have chicken, rice, and a veggie as my main dish and a fruit as the side for lunch. I still get up at 530 and go to the gym and work out.  Like I mentioned in previous posts, I am human.  I haven't been to the gym at all this week, the first week in February. I am learning to use gloves when I weight lift though because I am getting callouses on my hands, and I see now why the guys who do weight lifting use them frequently. 
I did go today and took it easy, some abs and back work outs.  I have lost seven pounds since the beginning of January!!

This year I am happy, I am healthy, I am strong, I am the best me!

I am doing a Bible study, and I want to continue on with reading and having great time with God, because I feel good when I do it.  It also is a great way to make friends, even if it is through Facebook and blogs.

We had a "snow" day yesterday at work, and I still got up in the morning at the same time, but instead of doing things like normal, I stayed in bed and cuddled with my kiddo who came in early due to a "bad" dream.  I say "bad" because to us it is trivial and not a big deal, but to him it was HUGE!!  It was absolutely the worst.  The rocket boots he "created" to chart the stars, that could walk on any surface including gas planets, had stopped working.  See, to us no biggie, to him, massive problem.

I am feeling better than ever.

Migraines

I was rendered immobile on Tuesday by a migraine.  I have no idea if ya'll have ever had one, i apparently have not. 

I woke up sweaty and throwing up, then I couldnt move without throwing up and the lights bothered me. 

I took the day off of school and was able to rest up.  I am feeling better now. 

Just rambles

What do you do when you join an online book club for a book that only does one chapter a week and you have already finished the book?  Asking for...well... myself.  I have really been looking forward to this book and I got it on audible which I never foresaw myself liking to be honest.  I always loved the feel and smell of physical books in my hand, but when I go to the gym (yes that IS still a thing :D) I need something to listen to that helps me drown out my tears of pain...just kidding.  I need something to keep me occupied while I do my weights and sometimes I just want something besides music.

Anyways, to the gym thing.  I am actually really enjoying it.  I go pretty hard when I do go.  I don't really follow any routines per se, but i know that Wednesdays I work out to Richard Simmons :D  and the rest of the week I try to work as much of my body as tolerable.  Today I did my abs, and then I ran for about 20 minutes.  and when I say ran, i mean I went at a pace of 2.0 to 4.9 every few minutes and switched back and forth.

Let me just tell ya that I charged my fitbit yesterday (Wednesday) at noon and now it is at half battery again, so I will be looking for a new fitbit soon.  If it cant handle more than a day of me  hahaha! I have had this particular model for about a year now so hopefully that is the only reason it is having so many issues.  I have enjoyed my colorful bands though so maybe i can get a new one that has several colors :D

I am overall more happy and more energetic these days.

Dragging

I feel as though I am dragging!! I had a day off of work so I feel like my week is going slow. I wanted it to be Monday at the gym this morning, but it was TUESDAY!

Also, I am still going to the gym!  I took three days off from it and I ate like crap this weekend but Im still human guys!

BUT speaking of weekend, my weekend was pretty awesome.  I did a lot of things with my friends, after I had worked at the ice cream shop.  Everyone wanted ice cream this weekend.  It was crazy insane! I usually get off at 9 on Saturdays, and I was there until almost 10! 

Anyways, a few friends and I went to see Dragon Ball Super Broly in a town about three hours away.  I dont know much about this series, but I knew enough to follow along.  It was really great! It sure did not feel like two hours! THATS for sure!! 
We left at 7 in the morning, got to the place in time to grab a bite to eat just a snack to tide us over so there was no need for concessions.  After, we went to Cracker Barrel.  I had never been.  I loved it.  The whole aesthetic was great, wholesome family friendly.  Walking through the gift store was fun.  I found several things that were cute and we also got to walk by the fireplace as we were walked to our table.  Delicious food ya'll.  I encourage ya to try it. 

On our way home we stopped by a store that we havent had in our town for about a year.  So much fun being in this store.  It was bigger so there were many more things available for us to look at. 

I then went to a movie with another friend when we arrived back in town.  That one was incredible.  It had me in the feels!!  There were some problematic kids there, and there were people sitting behind me that told them off and after they had been an issue for a good half of the movie, ended up cussing at them.  The kids left and did not come back.  Which was good because they kept messing with the lights.  The movie had me crying, thrillers aren't supposed to hit you in the feels like that!!

Overall I had a lot of fun. 

I am so glad that I have been working on this and the internet went out for three days!! So I am sorry that it is late.

New year

New year, new me!  I know we have all made these resolutions.
I love the way I am feeling though.  I have started eating better and drinking more water.  I have also been going to the gym every morning.  It is an amazing feeling.  In two weeks I have dropped 3 pounds!!  I decided that during Christmas break I was going to keep my school schedule and I started getting up an hour earlier than usual. I would go to the gym and then take my showers there too. 
It has helped in my new me routine.

I have also been doing more communicating with God.  I know, not everyone's cup of tea, but I feel that it is helping more than I knew that I needed.

I have also been trying to be more patient with my son.  We learned that he has severe combined ADHD.  The doctor said that he may have high functioning autism but his ADHD is too severe to make a full diagnosis.  He is finally eating more, but it is always the same thing:  sausage links and pancakes, ham and mayo sandwiches.  He loves sweet pickles and olives. 

So what is new with you guys this year!?