Sunday, December 28, 2014
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Life on Christmas Eve
Well it's the holiday. My sister is fussing because the outside decorations aren't done, the leaves we raked are still in piles, the pretzels are not enough to feed 22 snacking people, and our kid (16 months) keeps making a mess. She's 20 almost 21. I yelled and said she can either take my help which I was doing (up at 5 making cookies for them too) or I'll leave it. So I left her to do it all and watched dr who. Totally cool lol. Well anyway, happy holidays
Friday, December 19, 2014
Today
Today my husband and I got a new bed. It was free. I had to get the oil changed and while there I talked to a lady who was telling me about her sons problems. I gave her a coupon for 5 dollars off next formula purchase and also 5.50 worth of coupons for her next purchase. I gave our tree and some decorations that never make it on the tree when it's up to a family who had nothing. It felt great.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Friday, November 21, 2014
crazy
holy crap its been a roller coaster of emotions. I got on the antidepressant and have been able to do so much more than when i was not on it. I however, have still had my moments where i just need a break. I got the help of one of z's girlfriends to watch him for two hours twice a week or so so that i could have some time to me.
I have been doing nanowrimo, but i have fallen behind. it is hard with a kiddo. out of the 50 k words i need by the 30th, i am only at 23k. oh well the important thing is that i started it!! :) it is a great novel in my opinion.
I have been doing nanowrimo, but i have fallen behind. it is hard with a kiddo. out of the 50 k words i need by the 30th, i am only at 23k. oh well the important thing is that i started it!! :) it is a great novel in my opinion.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
VOTE and other things
Today, I had the luxury of sleeping until noon. yea my kid actually slept for that long!! 8 pm to noon. OK so on to the important things. I made a list of things to do: laundry, litterbox, dishes, trash, vote, mail out a payment for a bill, our bedroom, and try a new recipe.
Anyways, i did a load of laundry, and some dishes while z played. I gathered up all the trash and put it in the right spot so garrett could take it out when he got home. z and i got dressed and mailed out our payment, went to the thrift store, and voted. We also went to subway for lunch and i loved his excitement over cheetos.
the new recipe was called tomato basil pasta nest. I accidentally burned the sauce because i had to stop cooking and rescue a library book from an untimely death by one year old. Was still pretty good though, dinner not the book. poor thing.
When garrett got home, i did another load of dishes and he did another load of laundry. He did the litterbox and took out the trash.
So, TADA!!
Also, i have participated in NanoWrimo again this year and i am at 4165 words out of 50k. getting there!
Anyways, i did a load of laundry, and some dishes while z played. I gathered up all the trash and put it in the right spot so garrett could take it out when he got home. z and i got dressed and mailed out our payment, went to the thrift store, and voted. We also went to subway for lunch and i loved his excitement over cheetos.
the new recipe was called tomato basil pasta nest. I accidentally burned the sauce because i had to stop cooking and rescue a library book from an untimely death by one year old. Was still pretty good though, dinner not the book. poor thing.
When garrett got home, i did another load of dishes and he did another load of laundry. He did the litterbox and took out the trash.
So, TADA!!
Also, i have participated in NanoWrimo again this year and i am at 4165 words out of 50k. getting there!
Disaster
Kiddo won't eat. He's being clingy. He wants held. Not taking to time out very well either :/
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Friday, October 24, 2014
Anger!
Last night i was going to finish season 1 of supernatural but the last 10 mins skipped. Stupid library movies.
Zypher was up at 630 this a.m. I thought I was scheduled a noon to 5. So at 945 as per usual I put z for nap. At 1005 my boss calls and says I work at 10. Fuck my life sideways. I took my time getting showered then rushed through getting z up. Sorry babysitter for cranky baby :( about 45 mins before my shift ends my arm starts bothering me. Sigh. To top it off I'm menstrating
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Infinity
Ignore my tiredness. I am a mother of a (almost) 14 month old who has a curiosity like George, and a knack for pooping half an hour into nap time to get out of it...
On a much funner note, here is a picture of the Infinity scarf I made using THIS tutorial on arm knitting :) Although it really works (and looks) better if you use thick, heavy, fluffy yarn.
On a much funner note, here is a picture of the Infinity scarf I made using THIS tutorial on arm knitting :) Although it really works (and looks) better if you use thick, heavy, fluffy yarn.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Uhm what?!
Garrett said I'll make you a deal: if the bedroom and z room are clean and ready for vacuum I'll do that and take care of z rest of night. Shouldn't you do that anyway?
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Efff!
I am so over the damn place. Ugh I hate how everyone is related or in each others business. I hate that our insurance does not pay for any of Zypher's shots! I am fed up with this place!!
Thursday, October 16, 2014
what do parents teach?
Yesterday I met with a different counselor who could prescribe me an antidepressant because just going to therapy and doing my coping skills weren't enough. id get into it but itd bore you. long story short, i needed them, and it was time.
I started to take them. one a day. it is supposed to take 7 to 10 days to start but i already slept better and had more energy today.
A new coping mechanism i thought was stupid at first. Putting the alphabet together. my husband started it as a game. The wooden alphabet wagon that my son got for his birthday. if the letters are out of order you see how many you can put in order before you run into a repeat (just A and B repeat) so 28 blocks and me tried this today while having a slight anxiety attack. It wasnt bad. I did it and had no repeats. and was calm. I told garrett that it helped me and as i was doing it again this evening, garrett said i was doing it wrong and then he tipped the wagon upside down and he did it himself. I was so mad and upset. i cried and z cried and i took blocks away from him. oops, we cant do that. i gave them back and appologized to him. sorry garrett that was mean of me. i looked at z and said i didnt need to be mean to daddy, it was not ok. z agreed.
I started to take them. one a day. it is supposed to take 7 to 10 days to start but i already slept better and had more energy today.
A new coping mechanism i thought was stupid at first. Putting the alphabet together. my husband started it as a game. The wooden alphabet wagon that my son got for his birthday. if the letters are out of order you see how many you can put in order before you run into a repeat (just A and B repeat) so 28 blocks and me tried this today while having a slight anxiety attack. It wasnt bad. I did it and had no repeats. and was calm. I told garrett that it helped me and as i was doing it again this evening, garrett said i was doing it wrong and then he tipped the wagon upside down and he did it himself. I was so mad and upset. i cried and z cried and i took blocks away from him. oops, we cant do that. i gave them back and appologized to him. sorry garrett that was mean of me. i looked at z and said i didnt need to be mean to daddy, it was not ok. z agreed.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Best time!
My uncle got married! It was a beautiful wedding and reception. everyone loved lil z. I stayed the week with my family so i could go on a trip with my sis for my birthday and because i wanted z to be around his grandparents and great grandparents as much as possible. Z loved it! he can now say bye bye instead of just waving!!
I made a pit stop at my favorite winery and got some of my favorite wine!!! My sister and i had so much fun spending time together!!
As a rule, i tend to take z out for a date just me and him. It keeps me sane, lets me spoil my kiddo, and I get to spend some money. Anyway, we generally eat subway. Yesterday afternoon while at subway, z had his little toy car and was making the car noises and staying next to me. I ordered a full meal and grabbed baked potato chips only to find my lil guy grabbed cheetos and was hugging them to himself as he walked over to our booth and put the chips on the seat. he then walked back to me BIGGEST CHEESY SMILE I HAVE EVER SEEN HIM HAVE!! he was so proud of himself! I put the chips back and got him settled in. started on the cheetos, put some bread and chicken with them and he ate. he ate like he was starving!! silly kiddo.
Now, garrett got me a book for my birthday which i didnt care for so i took it back to the store. With the cash back i got the book i wanted AND a curious george book for Z. he loved it. he read it to me in line to check out.
We finished the series firefly and are going to be moving on to serenity. We also will probably pick up Eureka but im not sure. So if you have seen Eureka and think that its worth a watch, let me know please!!
I made a pit stop at my favorite winery and got some of my favorite wine!!! My sister and i had so much fun spending time together!!
As a rule, i tend to take z out for a date just me and him. It keeps me sane, lets me spoil my kiddo, and I get to spend some money. Anyway, we generally eat subway. Yesterday afternoon while at subway, z had his little toy car and was making the car noises and staying next to me. I ordered a full meal and grabbed baked potato chips only to find my lil guy grabbed cheetos and was hugging them to himself as he walked over to our booth and put the chips on the seat. he then walked back to me BIGGEST CHEESY SMILE I HAVE EVER SEEN HIM HAVE!! he was so proud of himself! I put the chips back and got him settled in. started on the cheetos, put some bread and chicken with them and he ate. he ate like he was starving!! silly kiddo.
Now, garrett got me a book for my birthday which i didnt care for so i took it back to the store. With the cash back i got the book i wanted AND a curious george book for Z. he loved it. he read it to me in line to check out.
We finished the series firefly and are going to be moving on to serenity. We also will probably pick up Eureka but im not sure. So if you have seen Eureka and think that its worth a watch, let me know please!!
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Because everyone else got a blog today.
WEll i am starting to get better at doing this thing regularly.
yesterday i wanted to make the world explode! NOT JOKING ONE BIT!!! Everyone and everything was pissing me off! just MAKE IT STOP!!
Today though seems to be going pretty okay.
We went to the methodist church today and Z loved hanging out with the other boy, who i will post as E for safety. Anywho, the theme was "going home" so i got to thinking what is this? Well it was pretty fun. Pastor had a yellow brick and talked to the children during childrens time about Wizard of Oz and the yellow brick road to Oz and Dorothy's way home. How there was a wicked witch trying to stop her.
In the sermon he mentioned that our yellow brick to follow is Jesus who will lead us home to Heaven and the wicked witch (devil) will be tempting us to not. We even watched the last few minutes of Wizard of Oz where dorothy goes home.
yesterday i wanted to make the world explode! NOT JOKING ONE BIT!!! Everyone and everything was pissing me off! just MAKE IT STOP!!
Today though seems to be going pretty okay.
We went to the methodist church today and Z loved hanging out with the other boy, who i will post as E for safety. Anywho, the theme was "going home" so i got to thinking what is this? Well it was pretty fun. Pastor had a yellow brick and talked to the children during childrens time about Wizard of Oz and the yellow brick road to Oz and Dorothy's way home. How there was a wicked witch trying to stop her.
In the sermon he mentioned that our yellow brick to follow is Jesus who will lead us home to Heaven and the wicked witch (devil) will be tempting us to not. We even watched the last few minutes of Wizard of Oz where dorothy goes home.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
feeling...feelings.
I have no idea what has come over me.
Last night my husband was late coming home and instead of being angry like normal i just was glad he was home. He loved being home. he went straight to zypher and picked him up and hugged him, played with him and even gave him a bath and put him to bed. loved every second of it. i made dinner prepped food and did dishes and cleaned z's room up so we could vacuum later in the week.
today i am tired and groggy and z is playful. we read a lot and i was happy to get all books back on time. Z and i dropped off something for daddy and then we went looking for a costume and what luck! we found it at the thrift store! a bright orange pumpkin!!! YAY!!!
this year is going to be soooo much fun :)
Last night my husband was late coming home and instead of being angry like normal i just was glad he was home. He loved being home. he went straight to zypher and picked him up and hugged him, played with him and even gave him a bath and put him to bed. loved every second of it. i made dinner prepped food and did dishes and cleaned z's room up so we could vacuum later in the week.
today i am tired and groggy and z is playful. we read a lot and i was happy to get all books back on time. Z and i dropped off something for daddy and then we went looking for a costume and what luck! we found it at the thrift store! a bright orange pumpkin!!! YAY!!!
this year is going to be soooo much fun :)
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Its never "Pay day"
Well, here we are! another month, another check from the school.
We were expecting a stipend of 600 dollars for Garrett getting his ESOL licensure but they forgot about him this month and we were assured it would be on next months check. sigh, i was going to use that to go shopping at the renaissance faire. oh well.
Today Z and i paid all the bills that werent due by mail and then boom, money gone.
the only thing i think we have going for us is that we do not have to spend money on formula this month. or ever agian seeing as z is off of it and drinking milk.
We have come to the mutual conclusion that it is never "pay day" but rather, bill day sometimes even grocery day, as that is what we will be doing tonight.
We were expecting a stipend of 600 dollars for Garrett getting his ESOL licensure but they forgot about him this month and we were assured it would be on next months check. sigh, i was going to use that to go shopping at the renaissance faire. oh well.
Today Z and i paid all the bills that werent due by mail and then boom, money gone.
the only thing i think we have going for us is that we do not have to spend money on formula this month. or ever agian seeing as z is off of it and drinking milk.
We have come to the mutual conclusion that it is never "pay day" but rather, bill day sometimes even grocery day, as that is what we will be doing tonight.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
The best part of not waking up..
So i got back from my angry angry visit with the super of the school, put z for a nap which he took, and then started scrubbing and scrubbing the bathroom clean!
I should take a nap myself because i am so tired, but im also very depressed. I mean how terrible can this be? i just wanted to go on a walk.
well here is the thing, once z woke up he was all happy and gigly that i had to smile. That is the best part about him. he doesnt care if im mad he knows that he makes me feel better so he clings on me and he wont let me go :)
I should take a nap myself because i am so tired, but im also very depressed. I mean how terrible can this be? i just wanted to go on a walk.
well here is the thing, once z woke up he was all happy and gigly that i had to smile. That is the best part about him. he doesnt care if im mad he knows that he makes me feel better so he clings on me and he wont let me go :)
Why is this small town
Why is this small town that is supposedly "family and community oriented" so unfriendly?
I have been working out every morning since June at 715 ish at the high school track. I bring z with me because well he likes being outside and it is nice to do something together.
Today i was told i could no longer do this because my stroller will damage the track. If i do not comply, i can no longer enter grounds even for games. Like WTF!? seriously what the hell is going on in this town?
I talked to the super of the school and she said, "Well i guess you were just lucky and didnt get caught before now."
I wouldnt mind just walking the town literally one end where i am to the other is a mile, but there are no sidewalks. I have to walk myself and my son across a busy highway if i walk at all.
I was told ther ewas a rec center where there was a gym, but i cant get a membership because thats 40 a month which we dont have. and z wouldnt be allowed because no one under the age of 14 is allowed.
I get it the need for safety and all, but i swear im going to shoot someone. Im sick and tired of being looked down on in this town because i am not a teacher and work at the gas station.
I have been working out every morning since June at 715 ish at the high school track. I bring z with me because well he likes being outside and it is nice to do something together.
Today i was told i could no longer do this because my stroller will damage the track. If i do not comply, i can no longer enter grounds even for games. Like WTF!? seriously what the hell is going on in this town?
I talked to the super of the school and she said, "Well i guess you were just lucky and didnt get caught before now."
I wouldnt mind just walking the town literally one end where i am to the other is a mile, but there are no sidewalks. I have to walk myself and my son across a busy highway if i walk at all.
I was told ther ewas a rec center where there was a gym, but i cant get a membership because thats 40 a month which we dont have. and z wouldnt be allowed because no one under the age of 14 is allowed.
I get it the need for safety and all, but i swear im going to shoot someone. Im sick and tired of being looked down on in this town because i am not a teacher and work at the gas station.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Tie Dye?
Garrett had never done it before ever so it was interesting to watch.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
what am i doing? WARNING (possible) adult content implications and TMI along with language
I love my husband, at times. I love my son. I love me most days.
The other day, i came home from work sick. like so sick unable to breathe, walk, or stand up even. THis happened to be a night Garrett was doing extra duties (being a back to school dance coordinator) so i was watching Zypher and feeling like shit. I called in work and asked for the next day off which i got but i had to in turn work a shift for her (fair yes but when would i get over this dang sickness)
Saturday: I was able to breath out of one nostril. i could stand but it hurt to cough and i got dizzy so quickly. I wanted to sit and read and veg out...but NOPE i have a kid and a even bigger kid. Garrett did nothing but sit on his ass and play vidoe games while i took care of zypher and him and not myself. WHY the HELL do i get to do all this and not you?
Garrett wanted sex. he is such a man. I dont like to be in confrontation but i couldnt breathe so why would i do that? so no sex which is okay because i am not sure i could handle sex mentally.
Sunday came and i knew was feeling better but not up to par, yet i went in and did my three hours for my boss. I was having feverish flashes. I made the best of it. Monday was horrible. I went to work for the girl and that was truck day. I wanted to shoot my manager for ordering so much shit. We didnt even need all of what we had ordered! It is probably going to go to waste :(
That night garrett wanted sex, again. Iam feeling better, but im not in the mood. I also do not like when garrett gets all macho and expects me to do what HE wants to do. it ruins what small mood i have. So when he gets all worked up and i am still trying to act like i like it, i feel empty. I feel so horrible for doing that.
Tuesday he pissed me off even more because he had a dentist at 4 and a coach meeting at 7. I had a mental health meeting at 5. I went to Hastings to get him and he said i could pick 6 books and close my eyes and he would pick one of those and put the others back...but he ended up picking out one without me picking my books...he said its a surprise so i dont even know if i will like it or not. We ate at subway and the person doing the order is a terrible terrible sandwhich maker. I said my sandwich, cheese, and that i want it toasted. he was like okay what cheese toasted or heated? UGH listne the FIRST DAMN time!!
RAWR!!!
Zypher needed changed but oh we have to go because they dont like it when we are late to meetings. Seriously garrett?! we left at 640. the high school was maybe 5 mins away from us. So Z set in a dirty diaper prolonged because someone needed to get to his meeting, which we were the only ones at this early i need to point out. So im so pissed! It would have taken maybe five minutes!!! UGH!!!
we have so much to talk about i dont know where to start. I plan on going home for a week so i can spend it with my family and Garrett is all what about me? who is going to make my lunch and dinner? Rolling my eyes i said you stupid. Seriously you are such a baby!
After my talk with my therapist, I know that i need this trip home more than i need alone time...which i have had NONE of!! I am still sick my throat hurts my head hurts and i cough more and more and it hurts too.
By the way, I hate that I cant just sit and relax. Zypher is there or Garrett is there with a question about zypher. Why doesnt he know this by now? zypher is one dammit! geez.
Wednesday (today) i work and it hurts. i am exhausted physically mentally emotionally. I just want to sit down and cry and get better but i cant. I just cant because GArrett wont do anything and when i ask him to he gets pissy about it.
The other day, i came home from work sick. like so sick unable to breathe, walk, or stand up even. THis happened to be a night Garrett was doing extra duties (being a back to school dance coordinator) so i was watching Zypher and feeling like shit. I called in work and asked for the next day off which i got but i had to in turn work a shift for her (fair yes but when would i get over this dang sickness)
Saturday: I was able to breath out of one nostril. i could stand but it hurt to cough and i got dizzy so quickly. I wanted to sit and read and veg out...but NOPE i have a kid and a even bigger kid. Garrett did nothing but sit on his ass and play vidoe games while i took care of zypher and him and not myself. WHY the HELL do i get to do all this and not you?
Garrett wanted sex. he is such a man. I dont like to be in confrontation but i couldnt breathe so why would i do that? so no sex which is okay because i am not sure i could handle sex mentally.
Sunday came and i knew was feeling better but not up to par, yet i went in and did my three hours for my boss. I was having feverish flashes. I made the best of it. Monday was horrible. I went to work for the girl and that was truck day. I wanted to shoot my manager for ordering so much shit. We didnt even need all of what we had ordered! It is probably going to go to waste :(
That night garrett wanted sex, again. Iam feeling better, but im not in the mood. I also do not like when garrett gets all macho and expects me to do what HE wants to do. it ruins what small mood i have. So when he gets all worked up and i am still trying to act like i like it, i feel empty. I feel so horrible for doing that.
Tuesday he pissed me off even more because he had a dentist at 4 and a coach meeting at 7. I had a mental health meeting at 5. I went to Hastings to get him and he said i could pick 6 books and close my eyes and he would pick one of those and put the others back...but he ended up picking out one without me picking my books...he said its a surprise so i dont even know if i will like it or not. We ate at subway and the person doing the order is a terrible terrible sandwhich maker. I said my sandwich, cheese, and that i want it toasted. he was like okay what cheese toasted or heated? UGH listne the FIRST DAMN time!!
RAWR!!!
Zypher needed changed but oh we have to go because they dont like it when we are late to meetings. Seriously garrett?! we left at 640. the high school was maybe 5 mins away from us. So Z set in a dirty diaper prolonged because someone needed to get to his meeting, which we were the only ones at this early i need to point out. So im so pissed! It would have taken maybe five minutes!!! UGH!!!
we have so much to talk about i dont know where to start. I plan on going home for a week so i can spend it with my family and Garrett is all what about me? who is going to make my lunch and dinner? Rolling my eyes i said you stupid. Seriously you are such a baby!
After my talk with my therapist, I know that i need this trip home more than i need alone time...which i have had NONE of!! I am still sick my throat hurts my head hurts and i cough more and more and it hurts too.
By the way, I hate that I cant just sit and relax. Zypher is there or Garrett is there with a question about zypher. Why doesnt he know this by now? zypher is one dammit! geez.
Wednesday (today) i work and it hurts. i am exhausted physically mentally emotionally. I just want to sit down and cry and get better but i cant. I just cant because GArrett wont do anything and when i ask him to he gets pissy about it.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
what moms know that fathers do not...
Remember how fun and cool it was to sit around the table and have a family meal? How about the family game nights that were competitive and full of laugher?
Garrett and i are drifting. there is no real other way to put that except that we dont see eye to eye any longer. He comes home from work and he will sit on his ipad or computer and play his own games in his own world.
Zypher and i love to play and talk to him too. I feel like im competing with his gadgets and what nots. I also feel like im being left in the dust as he continues further in his career and i am being mommy. Dont get me wrong, z is progressing quickly and wonderfully other than not gaining weight :/
the other night (i started this on the 2nd) i checked out a movie i have been DYING to see since it was announced. Veggie Tales In Space The Fennel Frontier. It was chalk full of David Bowie, Star Wars, Star Trek, Dr. Who, Back to the Future (and MANY MANY MORE!) references. Z Loved the sininging and i loved seeing it! I thought it would be a good family film. Guess what, Someone was missing. He was playing shooter games in the basement.
I became very cold and distant toward him for it. when he asked, i replied that he is part of this family too and needs to act like it. he of course huffed off.
he didnt see how z liked it. he didnt see how funny he thought it was. he missed that. GArrett misses a lot of zyphers life, and then gets annoyed or upset when i buy more camera storage cards so i can document these things for him to see later.
To the point, Garrett watched the movie with us before we turned it back in and he groaned the whole time. He was not liking the references or the inaccuracies. But Zypher didnt care. I didnt care.
As a mom, i know z likes what ever we do right now. and if we like this movie, so does he. He sees mommy and daddy together in the same room doing the same thing and it makes sense to him.
Garrett doesnt know that because he doesnt stick around. there are days i feel like im a single mother and im just taking my baby daddy's money.
Garrett and i are drifting. there is no real other way to put that except that we dont see eye to eye any longer. He comes home from work and he will sit on his ipad or computer and play his own games in his own world.
Zypher and i love to play and talk to him too. I feel like im competing with his gadgets and what nots. I also feel like im being left in the dust as he continues further in his career and i am being mommy. Dont get me wrong, z is progressing quickly and wonderfully other than not gaining weight :/
the other night (i started this on the 2nd) i checked out a movie i have been DYING to see since it was announced. Veggie Tales In Space The Fennel Frontier. It was chalk full of David Bowie, Star Wars, Star Trek, Dr. Who, Back to the Future (and MANY MANY MORE!) references. Z Loved the sininging and i loved seeing it! I thought it would be a good family film. Guess what, Someone was missing. He was playing shooter games in the basement.
I became very cold and distant toward him for it. when he asked, i replied that he is part of this family too and needs to act like it. he of course huffed off.
he didnt see how z liked it. he didnt see how funny he thought it was. he missed that. GArrett misses a lot of zyphers life, and then gets annoyed or upset when i buy more camera storage cards so i can document these things for him to see later.
To the point, Garrett watched the movie with us before we turned it back in and he groaned the whole time. He was not liking the references or the inaccuracies. But Zypher didnt care. I didnt care.
As a mom, i know z likes what ever we do right now. and if we like this movie, so does he. He sees mommy and daddy together in the same room doing the same thing and it makes sense to him.
Garrett doesnt know that because he doesnt stick around. there are days i feel like im a single mother and im just taking my baby daddy's money.
mood swing blues
Today was supposed to be awesome! i woke up with the school alarm my husband set (gotta get back in the school schedule it starts next week!) I fed z and me.
Z today hs proven difficult. he is getting on my nerves and i keep finding myself yelling at him. it makes me feel so terrible! I just cant figure out this funk. I was in it last night too. counldnt decide if i was in the mood or not...if you follow me.
It could be because when we went shopping, there was NO formula, and at dillons there was NO meat :( i think we hit the store at a bad time... five pm.
I have started a program called Rockin Body. its a nice work out. Hard and i sweat really badly.
I walk in the morningis when it is still cooler out. I usually get about a mile and a quarter in...although my husband says that the lane six i use the designated walking lane is acutually longer than a mile, he says he will figure out the details at a later date so i know if im actually walking more than that. I have to push harder because its not making me sweat anymore.
I have made all our dinners for the month and neatly put them in the freezer. yay!
I made z a bottle and apologized to him for yelling at him so much this morning and all he could do was smile and keep drinking his bottle.
Zypher and i went to the lap swim. I did two walking laps, swam 8 laps, and two cool down walking laps. I also worked on some cardio but not a lot. He was flirting with the guards.
I feel so tired but i cant sleep. I am crying and i really think i woke up on the wrong side of bed...literally i did though. what do you do when a workout still doesnt cure your mood? Answer, you call a babysitter and HOPE they are available, pop in sailor moon, and get a drink. well okay i didnt have a drink because i will have to drive to pick up z, but i may have one later tonight.
Z today hs proven difficult. he is getting on my nerves and i keep finding myself yelling at him. it makes me feel so terrible! I just cant figure out this funk. I was in it last night too. counldnt decide if i was in the mood or not...if you follow me.
It could be because when we went shopping, there was NO formula, and at dillons there was NO meat :( i think we hit the store at a bad time... five pm.
I have started a program called Rockin Body. its a nice work out. Hard and i sweat really badly.
I walk in the morningis when it is still cooler out. I usually get about a mile and a quarter in...although my husband says that the lane six i use the designated walking lane is acutually longer than a mile, he says he will figure out the details at a later date so i know if im actually walking more than that. I have to push harder because its not making me sweat anymore.
I have made all our dinners for the month and neatly put them in the freezer. yay!
I made z a bottle and apologized to him for yelling at him so much this morning and all he could do was smile and keep drinking his bottle.
Zypher and i went to the lap swim. I did two walking laps, swam 8 laps, and two cool down walking laps. I also worked on some cardio but not a lot. He was flirting with the guards.
I feel so tired but i cant sleep. I am crying and i really think i woke up on the wrong side of bed...literally i did though. what do you do when a workout still doesnt cure your mood? Answer, you call a babysitter and HOPE they are available, pop in sailor moon, and get a drink. well okay i didnt have a drink because i will have to drive to pick up z, but i may have one later tonight.
Monday, July 21, 2014
So far so good. Life is good when you look positively!
oops i accidentally left magic in z's room all night. poor kitty was so clingy when he got out. he probably wanted to cuddle with us and knows that z is off limits for now.
Trying to continue on with my high from yesterday. Garrett had to work at 8 so he set the alarm for 630. We both got up and i started making a bottle for Zypher, who woke up at 645 :) This really could not get any better!
We let z play around and crawl and explore on his own until 730 when i donned my work out gear and put z in clothes, poured apple juice in a sippy cup and grabbed the diaper bag and keys.
I plan on walking a mile, or further, depending on how things (heat mainly) go. Well there is a shocker! I cant get into the parking lot :( Turns out they are repainting the parking stripes. Way to go school district/ city for letting the public know this information. No i dont mind parking on the street and going out of my way to get to the track anyways.
I am not going to let this ruin my day though! I started up my cd player (ancient, i know! but i couldnt find our mp3s!!!) But it didnt play. it kept saying error no matter which cd i put in. oh well, no big deal. begin walking and oh the sun. why didnt i bring sunglasses? oh yea i cant find them because z likes to play with them. Well no biggie. We get a half a mile down and stop to hydrate. At 3/4 of a mile, z decides every few steps he wants to drop all his toys. At a mile we stopped and it still only took 20 minutes :) I walked an extra quarter lap at a slow pace to cool off and the breeze felt amazing. However, the heat did not. Even at 8 AM the darn heat was getting bad.
As we were packing up, a crop duster started flying overhead so we HAD to watch it. Z even waved to it a few times.
As i start the van up, i realize oh hey, in my little cubby i have two sunglasses. HAHA!!!
Z is taking a nap.
I have gotten my transcript ordered and sent to the community college, I sectioned up the hamburger meat to what we would be eating. I finally called the doctor about z's cough and runny nose and they can see him this afternoon. YAY!
Trying to continue on with my high from yesterday. Garrett had to work at 8 so he set the alarm for 630. We both got up and i started making a bottle for Zypher, who woke up at 645 :) This really could not get any better!
We let z play around and crawl and explore on his own until 730 when i donned my work out gear and put z in clothes, poured apple juice in a sippy cup and grabbed the diaper bag and keys.
I plan on walking a mile, or further, depending on how things (heat mainly) go. Well there is a shocker! I cant get into the parking lot :( Turns out they are repainting the parking stripes. Way to go school district/ city for letting the public know this information. No i dont mind parking on the street and going out of my way to get to the track anyways.
I am not going to let this ruin my day though! I started up my cd player (ancient, i know! but i couldnt find our mp3s!!!) But it didnt play. it kept saying error no matter which cd i put in. oh well, no big deal. begin walking and oh the sun. why didnt i bring sunglasses? oh yea i cant find them because z likes to play with them. Well no biggie. We get a half a mile down and stop to hydrate. At 3/4 of a mile, z decides every few steps he wants to drop all his toys. At a mile we stopped and it still only took 20 minutes :) I walked an extra quarter lap at a slow pace to cool off and the breeze felt amazing. However, the heat did not. Even at 8 AM the darn heat was getting bad.
As we were packing up, a crop duster started flying overhead so we HAD to watch it. Z even waved to it a few times.
As i start the van up, i realize oh hey, in my little cubby i have two sunglasses. HAHA!!!
Z is taking a nap.
I have gotten my transcript ordered and sent to the community college, I sectioned up the hamburger meat to what we would be eating. I finally called the doctor about z's cough and runny nose and they can see him this afternoon. YAY!
Sunday, July 20, 2014
a possible real post
The last few days i have undergone an extremely annoying thing. I just cant place it! I want to tell everyone at work who comes in to go home and leave me alone, but then i knew i wouldnt be there much longer if i did that. I enjoy my job. I was just extremely irritable.
Then this morning i woke up feeling really good.
I did so much today, breakfast, church, work out, and i was so happy. this was one of my better days for sure! even though zypher threw up on me at church most likely because i was jostling him around playing with him.
well here is an update on this post. it is so cute to watch Garrett get in and take a bath with z. He teaches him how to make the ducks squirt water and then he will also show him and help him wash up. <3
well here is an update on this post. it is so cute to watch Garrett get in and take a bath with z. He teaches him how to make the ducks squirt water and then he will also show him and help him wash up. <3
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
heres a blog theres a blog and another little blog...
I just have that dang llama song stuck in my head today.
this morning, Zypher decided that coffee looks better on him and on the floor than in the coffee cup. sigh. he also did not want to take a morning nap. He doesnt want me either. we were going to go walk our mile today but we cant because it is raining so instead we opened the door and watched the rain.
I made bank sunday! I found a keurig, a singing elmo car, a ball pit, and an inflatable baby tub (i thought it was a baby pool :( sad day) all for 20 bucks! yes the keurig makes a god aweful ugly noise when it is brewing, but it still works. The elmo car is faded, but it works! the ball pit has four places that you blow into to blow it up, but hey its a ball pit!
I applied to GCCC (garden city community college) and i guess i am in so long as i get three reference letters. from a personal, a counselor, and a work supervisor...okay then better get cracking if i want them to get in on time!!!
Magic is being cuddly because of the weather and now that i have done this blog i feel like i am going to go write.
this morning, Zypher decided that coffee looks better on him and on the floor than in the coffee cup. sigh. he also did not want to take a morning nap. He doesnt want me either. we were going to go walk our mile today but we cant because it is raining so instead we opened the door and watched the rain.
I made bank sunday! I found a keurig, a singing elmo car, a ball pit, and an inflatable baby tub (i thought it was a baby pool :( sad day) all for 20 bucks! yes the keurig makes a god aweful ugly noise when it is brewing, but it still works. The elmo car is faded, but it works! the ball pit has four places that you blow into to blow it up, but hey its a ball pit!
I applied to GCCC (garden city community college) and i guess i am in so long as i get three reference letters. from a personal, a counselor, and a work supervisor...okay then better get cracking if i want them to get in on time!!!
Magic is being cuddly because of the weather and now that i have done this blog i feel like i am going to go write.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Pour me a stiff one
I am so angry that the world hates me today!
My computer has somehow gotten a virus, and i know how to get rid of it, but its a sneaky virus and is one step ahead of me. :/
Well, we went and got groceries and we always get a gift card for mcdonalds too so we can eat after. I guess my body didnt want ANY of it. i barely ate. Everything was annoying too. Like the beeps on the dang timers, the fact that my sandwhich was crooked, the seatbelt for the child seat was broken, my mcflurry was made with the icecream then the m&ms put on top, not mixed in like seriously people?! whatever.
We got home and garrett didnt put groceries away because he brought them in, and yes, that is our usual thing but dammit today i just wanted to slap the shit out of him for saying that.
We put z to bed and i put in the last disc of The Flash- my crush from childhood john shipp. Anyways, the disc doesnt work! UGH and i know when i turn it in tomorrow at the library the bitchy lady is going to look at me like im crazy. she ALWAYS DOES! im supposed to have teacher privileges which means unlimited books for a month and 12 discs instead of 6 for the month but she NEVER lets me check out that many because i work at the gas station so im not a teacher. Good thing im EXCELLENT friends with the library director. :) He will fix it for me. come to think of it, she doesnt give garrett his month of books either.
I applied for FAFSA for early childhood education associates degree from the community college here and the damned thing says that im not entering my correct tax info! wtf?! i have it right here in my hand and its nto right?! Tits!!
Not to mention i work tomorrow noon to five then sat 8 to five and Garrett instead of doing anything helpful has decided to hide in the basement. thank you technology...not
just give me a drink.
My computer has somehow gotten a virus, and i know how to get rid of it, but its a sneaky virus and is one step ahead of me. :/
Well, we went and got groceries and we always get a gift card for mcdonalds too so we can eat after. I guess my body didnt want ANY of it. i barely ate. Everything was annoying too. Like the beeps on the dang timers, the fact that my sandwhich was crooked, the seatbelt for the child seat was broken, my mcflurry was made with the icecream then the m&ms put on top, not mixed in like seriously people?! whatever.
We got home and garrett didnt put groceries away because he brought them in, and yes, that is our usual thing but dammit today i just wanted to slap the shit out of him for saying that.
We put z to bed and i put in the last disc of The Flash- my crush from childhood john shipp. Anyways, the disc doesnt work! UGH and i know when i turn it in tomorrow at the library the bitchy lady is going to look at me like im crazy. she ALWAYS DOES! im supposed to have teacher privileges which means unlimited books for a month and 12 discs instead of 6 for the month but she NEVER lets me check out that many because i work at the gas station so im not a teacher. Good thing im EXCELLENT friends with the library director. :) He will fix it for me. come to think of it, she doesnt give garrett his month of books either.
I applied for FAFSA for early childhood education associates degree from the community college here and the damned thing says that im not entering my correct tax info! wtf?! i have it right here in my hand and its nto right?! Tits!!
Not to mention i work tomorrow noon to five then sat 8 to five and Garrett instead of doing anything helpful has decided to hide in the basement. thank you technology...not
just give me a drink.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
What the Effing Crap!? *long
Heres the down dirty nitty gritty. Ignore the jumping of train of thoughts back and forth between it all i am VERY close to having a *friend* over to visit (hint). Also i just have a lot i want to say and i WILL try to organize it...no promises though
I love it out here on occasion. when i am involved, when there are actual other people involved in the daily world of Zypher and Jessica.
I miss my family so much it hurts. And i want to go back to them or at least find a happy medium. somewhere where i can take a weekend trip, not a week long trip. DO NOT get me wrong, a week long trip is AWESOME!!! I just miss them and need my batteries recharged sometimes.
Garrett and I WERE approved for the house and I find myself saying, DO I WANT THIS FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS? sigh, do i? ask me after church on sundays, after volunteering at the local thrift store on tuesday, some wednesdays when i get the oppertunity to go and sew with a group of older women, and after work on Friday, and most Saturdays. The answer is yes. After the interaction wears off, i dont want it anymore though...and i find myself back to wanting to be with my family. However, a place of my own!!! A place i can paint, have dogs, cats, rats whatever pet i want (not likely all of those really people be reasonable!) Also, there is education to consider in this...Garrett wants to stay here because he not only likes his class sizes, he likes that he can get the planetarium refurbished soon (if you want to donate to help defray the districts costs, contact him via email: garrett.nekuda@usd215.org) and work on his masters degree online: which only requires he go to the university for 2 weeks a summer to do tests and hands on work in a town that is only four hours from here, where we currently are. YES you can suggest that we sit and discuss this matter until you are blue in the face, and we will take it to heart, because we do discuss it. We do talk about where we want to be, and the answer is always the same...I HAVE NO CLUE!!! I dont even know what i want to do with my life anymore!! i have made some great friends and connections here! Love the people, and that the pool is open ALL YEAR!! :) But i miss being able to just go out with friends on a whim, not having to plan a week in advance to make sure my baby is taken care of. Now DO NOT mistake that part for me not wanting my baby, because i do. with every fiber of my being i do!!
I have found a program that will get me certified as a teaching aide in a very short amount of time and at a low cost, but i dont know if i want to even do that. I keep going back to it because it would be useful in a classroom setting if i ever go back to being a para or want to do something with teaching. It would be useful in getting my GPA up, which i could use. Im only worried that i will lose interest quickly like i do with so many other things these days. i could look for a daycare and ask for more hours at work but i like what i have. i do not like that Garrett is always working! whether at the pool or for the school, we dont get to spend time together any more. We spent two hours playing monopoly the other day with out z, but that was the most we have had in over a month. Its stupid because he asked for morning shifts and ends up with closing shifts GRRRRRRRRRRRR stupid teenagers with summer camps and family vacations and other things not job related but then still wanting a job.Its not just the work though, its technology. Garrett has a school issued iPad and i do NOT like it at all. when he is home for break or in the mornings or before bed HE IS ALWAYS ON IT! I try to talk to him but im just like theres no point because he is playing a game. Or the house is a mess because he spent the week i was on vacation with my family playing on his computer and iPad. he didnt even eat the food i told him to eat, and it either went bad or molded, or he ate food that was supposed to go in another dish and we couldnt have that dish after that. lets talk about things he didnt do more: like the dishes, still piled up high in the sink and around our tiny ass kitchen, collecting mold and not getting easier to clean. the litterbox, which really pissed me off because that can make my cat sick :( my poor furbaby.
things he did do; go to work, feed the cat, and oh my uniform which i didnt need that week... O.o
Garrett likes to play chase z around the floor, which is cool i like that he interacts with him more now, but I really cannot believe that z is 10 months old and Garrett CANNOT pack a diaper bag. im like really garrett? for real? and he is like when am i ever around to do this? my response was to scoff at him and say whose fault is *THAT* remembering that he brings in the lump sum of our money because i only work about 10 hours a week mostly being saturdays. I have written him NUMEROUS notes, he has seen me put the bag together. My thoughts on this are that he really just doesnt want to.
The hospital sent me a letter saying i was delinquent on my accounts because i hadnt paid in over 90 days. I have the receipts saying otherwise. When i physically went in and talked to the collections lady, she was like oh yea it sometimes does that and we dont catch it. I was like well im paid heres my proof you better fix it. and she said its on the computer saying you paid so just ignore the letter. my response, you need to work on that because i am so tired of getting these letters every other month. I pay you on the 10th when my husband gets paid and i have been over this with you three times. I do not like the way things are being dealt with. If i have paid i do not want to see a letter in my box that says urgent action required. And all the lady did was laugh and say yea, it just happens sorry. UGH!
Ok so my phone broke like literally would not charge anywhere in any port at all! So i ordered a new one after filing a claim with insurance and what not, and oh that cost 100 dollars. (twitter reference at end of this rant* THEN THE BED BREAKS!! THE COILS CAME UP AND SCRATCHED ME! we have had this bed for 5 years so its no surprise that this happened but WHY now?? So we just covered it with some old rags and some cardboard that will do absolutely nothing but *maybe* buy us another month? *crosses fingers*Today the freaking crib decides that it doesnt want to stay up! Yes, i know its illegal to have the sliding side cribs, but i cant afford a crib! I was in babys r us and wanted to get one but didnt think we could afford another credit card to pay off. I would slide it and lock it in place on one side but the other side wouldnt lock, so i just gave up! even turning the bed to he other side wont help, z is strong enough to kick the bed away from the wall. SallieMae decided the needed more money from me so instead of my payments being oh roughly 113, they are now 120 because my husband makes more money on the salary scale now that he is a more "experienced" teacher #moneyproblems
i was in IHOP with my family during my vacation (june 15 thro june 23) and actually had a break down i was bawling my eyes out in IHOP. I found that z was eating a lot more than usual and in more frequent bursts and they informed me he was going through a growth spurt. Yes, i get it he is going to grow, but that threw our schedule of 3 months off track! it also means spending more money each moth on food. They took us to walmart and bought him food for which i am thankful but i still fear that i wont ever have money for food for either us or z. NO WE DO NOT SPEND MONEY ON THINGS THAT ARE NOT NEEDED!
Z is a good swimmer! i have a video up on my facebook page Disclaimer you will have to dig for it and by dig i mean scroll: https://www.facebook.com/jes.nekuda edited its from july 2
Also, his first birthday is in a month! holy SHIT where is my baby? He is already a year old! excuse me while i cry in a corner and look at his baby pictures. His birthday party is set for August the 9th!!! I have about 60 of everything, even though no one is going to show up. i wanted to be prepared.
He did pretty good at the fireworks show. He watched the people set them off and then watched as they went up. he even clapped some. Halfway through the show he fell asleep. That was pretty cool to me, except i want paying attention i was too busy trying to roll the windows up and get away from the people smoking. also for some reason my anxiety was shooting off too and i wanted to try and calm myself. it didnt work too well on either instance.
If you are still with me thus far and you have not pooped out or stopped reading my problems i want to thank you.
I love it out here on occasion. when i am involved, when there are actual other people involved in the daily world of Zypher and Jessica.
I miss my family so much it hurts. And i want to go back to them or at least find a happy medium. somewhere where i can take a weekend trip, not a week long trip. DO NOT get me wrong, a week long trip is AWESOME!!! I just miss them and need my batteries recharged sometimes.
Garrett and I WERE approved for the house and I find myself saying, DO I WANT THIS FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS? sigh, do i? ask me after church on sundays, after volunteering at the local thrift store on tuesday, some wednesdays when i get the oppertunity to go and sew with a group of older women, and after work on Friday, and most Saturdays. The answer is yes. After the interaction wears off, i dont want it anymore though...and i find myself back to wanting to be with my family. However, a place of my own!!! A place i can paint, have dogs, cats, rats whatever pet i want (not likely all of those really people be reasonable!) Also, there is education to consider in this...Garrett wants to stay here because he not only likes his class sizes, he likes that he can get the planetarium refurbished soon (if you want to donate to help defray the districts costs, contact him via email: garrett.nekuda@usd215.org) and work on his masters degree online: which only requires he go to the university for 2 weeks a summer to do tests and hands on work in a town that is only four hours from here, where we currently are. YES you can suggest that we sit and discuss this matter until you are blue in the face, and we will take it to heart, because we do discuss it. We do talk about where we want to be, and the answer is always the same...I HAVE NO CLUE!!! I dont even know what i want to do with my life anymore!! i have made some great friends and connections here! Love the people, and that the pool is open ALL YEAR!! :) But i miss being able to just go out with friends on a whim, not having to plan a week in advance to make sure my baby is taken care of. Now DO NOT mistake that part for me not wanting my baby, because i do. with every fiber of my being i do!!
I have found a program that will get me certified as a teaching aide in a very short amount of time and at a low cost, but i dont know if i want to even do that. I keep going back to it because it would be useful in a classroom setting if i ever go back to being a para or want to do something with teaching. It would be useful in getting my GPA up, which i could use. Im only worried that i will lose interest quickly like i do with so many other things these days. i could look for a daycare and ask for more hours at work but i like what i have. i do not like that Garrett is always working! whether at the pool or for the school, we dont get to spend time together any more. We spent two hours playing monopoly the other day with out z, but that was the most we have had in over a month. Its stupid because he asked for morning shifts and ends up with closing shifts GRRRRRRRRRRRR stupid teenagers with summer camps and family vacations and other things not job related but then still wanting a job.Its not just the work though, its technology. Garrett has a school issued iPad and i do NOT like it at all. when he is home for break or in the mornings or before bed HE IS ALWAYS ON IT! I try to talk to him but im just like theres no point because he is playing a game. Or the house is a mess because he spent the week i was on vacation with my family playing on his computer and iPad. he didnt even eat the food i told him to eat, and it either went bad or molded, or he ate food that was supposed to go in another dish and we couldnt have that dish after that. lets talk about things he didnt do more: like the dishes, still piled up high in the sink and around our tiny ass kitchen, collecting mold and not getting easier to clean. the litterbox, which really pissed me off because that can make my cat sick :( my poor furbaby.
things he did do; go to work, feed the cat, and oh my uniform which i didnt need that week... O.o
Garrett likes to play chase z around the floor, which is cool i like that he interacts with him more now, but I really cannot believe that z is 10 months old and Garrett CANNOT pack a diaper bag. im like really garrett? for real? and he is like when am i ever around to do this? my response was to scoff at him and say whose fault is *THAT* remembering that he brings in the lump sum of our money because i only work about 10 hours a week mostly being saturdays. I have written him NUMEROUS notes, he has seen me put the bag together. My thoughts on this are that he really just doesnt want to.
The hospital sent me a letter saying i was delinquent on my accounts because i hadnt paid in over 90 days. I have the receipts saying otherwise. When i physically went in and talked to the collections lady, she was like oh yea it sometimes does that and we dont catch it. I was like well im paid heres my proof you better fix it. and she said its on the computer saying you paid so just ignore the letter. my response, you need to work on that because i am so tired of getting these letters every other month. I pay you on the 10th when my husband gets paid and i have been over this with you three times. I do not like the way things are being dealt with. If i have paid i do not want to see a letter in my box that says urgent action required. And all the lady did was laugh and say yea, it just happens sorry. UGH!
Ok so my phone broke like literally would not charge anywhere in any port at all! So i ordered a new one after filing a claim with insurance and what not, and oh that cost 100 dollars. (twitter reference at end of this rant* THEN THE BED BREAKS!! THE COILS CAME UP AND SCRATCHED ME! we have had this bed for 5 years so its no surprise that this happened but WHY now?? So we just covered it with some old rags and some cardboard that will do absolutely nothing but *maybe* buy us another month? *crosses fingers*Today the freaking crib decides that it doesnt want to stay up! Yes, i know its illegal to have the sliding side cribs, but i cant afford a crib! I was in babys r us and wanted to get one but didnt think we could afford another credit card to pay off. I would slide it and lock it in place on one side but the other side wouldnt lock, so i just gave up! even turning the bed to he other side wont help, z is strong enough to kick the bed away from the wall. SallieMae decided the needed more money from me so instead of my payments being oh roughly 113, they are now 120 because my husband makes more money on the salary scale now that he is a more "experienced" teacher #moneyproblems
i was in IHOP with my family during my vacation (june 15 thro june 23) and actually had a break down i was bawling my eyes out in IHOP. I found that z was eating a lot more than usual and in more frequent bursts and they informed me he was going through a growth spurt. Yes, i get it he is going to grow, but that threw our schedule of 3 months off track! it also means spending more money each moth on food. They took us to walmart and bought him food for which i am thankful but i still fear that i wont ever have money for food for either us or z. NO WE DO NOT SPEND MONEY ON THINGS THAT ARE NOT NEEDED!
Z is a good swimmer! i have a video up on my facebook page Disclaimer you will have to dig for it and by dig i mean scroll: https://www.facebook.com/jes.nekuda edited its from july 2
Also, his first birthday is in a month! holy SHIT where is my baby? He is already a year old! excuse me while i cry in a corner and look at his baby pictures. His birthday party is set for August the 9th!!! I have about 60 of everything, even though no one is going to show up. i wanted to be prepared.
He did pretty good at the fireworks show. He watched the people set them off and then watched as they went up. he even clapped some. Halfway through the show he fell asleep. That was pretty cool to me, except i want paying attention i was too busy trying to roll the windows up and get away from the people smoking. also for some reason my anxiety was shooting off too and i wanted to try and calm myself. it didnt work too well on either instance.
If you are still with me thus far and you have not pooped out or stopped reading my problems i want to thank you.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
it is coming along
Here i am to say, we are sending in paperwork for a house. Zyphers doctor said he is underweight yet the nurse said that he was perfect...sigh.
We are getting ready to leave for a week :)
i sent out invites to Z's FIRST birthday party!! omg its like in august holy cow thats sooo close!
im going to go cry now.
or just watch frozen with z.
We are getting ready to leave for a week :)
i sent out invites to Z's FIRST birthday party!! omg its like in august holy cow thats sooo close!
im going to go cry now.
or just watch frozen with z.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
for real...
Time for the pool!! Outside in the sun, in the water, and lots of time with my lil guy and hubby...well when he isnt working at the pool himself. I decided that as i was wanting to swim myself, i would take zy into the big pool. BIG mistake!! Even though the baby pool is still to deep for z and there were a lot of small children and even kids as old as second grade in there, i wanted to do my own swimming! So into the big pool we went. When i first got in, one of the kids who recognized me came over and just splashed us both. i looked at him and was like really? that was not cool. I have my baby here with me and you splashed us. He looked at me like so whatever and swam away. UGH! where the friggen hell are the ADULTS!? the rule is if you are under 12 you HAVE to have an adult with you, but hey guess what? NOONE listens to the rule. It is the STUPIDEST SORRIEST EXCUSE FOR A POOL I HAVE EVER BEEN TO! the only times i am really happy there are when it is just me and z. and thats either at 11 A or 5 P when its lap swim. I hate that i have to seclude us like this, but i have no choice. the kids dont understand even the ones in the baby pool splash and where are the parents for them too? no you just sent them there with their older sibling? god i really hate this! its literally the worst idea ever to have it only be 1 dollar to get in and allow kids to come by themselves without adults. I take that back, even if there are adults there, they are either worse than the kids, or sitting on their asses doing absolutely nothing.
I really want to just scream! i mean seriously, WHY do i even bother? Garrett and i came up with a plan that was supposed to help me not be so busy and tired all the time, and HE ISNT HOLDING UP HIS END!!! I am the one who is doing it all! I am seriously pissed! i mean for reals! He spent ALL morning playing games on the computer instead of doing things like the dishes. granted i watched a few episodes of dr who instead of doing the dishes or other things as well, but im not the one who has to go in to work from 12 to 930. which will "make me tired and just want to sleep" WELL WELCOME TO MY WORLD. No, you cant sleep. I dont get to, so you dont get to.
Lets talk about how shitty my landlord is...i told her there was a leak in the pipe under the sink and it makes it difficult to do dishes without getting flooded and moldy...and nothing. hasnt done a thing. the dead tree in the yard that was supposed to be taken care of last spring, still there. the gutters that fell during the 2012 ice/snow storm right after christmas...still not fixed or put back. glass window shattered on the door to the backyard two weeks after we moved in...still not fixed. but hey the sagging car port that we never use is fixed. thanks a lot!
I really want to just scream! i mean seriously, WHY do i even bother? Garrett and i came up with a plan that was supposed to help me not be so busy and tired all the time, and HE ISNT HOLDING UP HIS END!!! I am the one who is doing it all! I am seriously pissed! i mean for reals! He spent ALL morning playing games on the computer instead of doing things like the dishes. granted i watched a few episodes of dr who instead of doing the dishes or other things as well, but im not the one who has to go in to work from 12 to 930. which will "make me tired and just want to sleep" WELL WELCOME TO MY WORLD. No, you cant sleep. I dont get to, so you dont get to.
Lets talk about how shitty my landlord is...i told her there was a leak in the pipe under the sink and it makes it difficult to do dishes without getting flooded and moldy...and nothing. hasnt done a thing. the dead tree in the yard that was supposed to be taken care of last spring, still there. the gutters that fell during the 2012 ice/snow storm right after christmas...still not fixed or put back. glass window shattered on the door to the backyard two weeks after we moved in...still not fixed. but hey the sagging car port that we never use is fixed. thanks a lot!
Thursday, May 22, 2014
A lot on my mind
Today i have a lot on my mind.
Money, friends, relationships, and boy oh boy, my little one!!
First off, lets talk money! Money always seems to disappear! No, we are by no means living beyond our means...we dont even go out to eat, or do anything special. In fact most of the time, we sit in a chair or the bed and read books we got from the library... so it is not a matter of frugal spending. Our problem is, bills. They all come out on one day or a few days after. I know we did that on purpose because we wanted to be able to use Garretts pay check for it all so no biggie. ONce and a while though, i see people up and taking a trip to a far away place to them just because they can and i sigh and think, "that would be so nice" except we do not have the abilty to do so. I knew being a stay at home mom living off of my husbands income was going to be tough though, so its ok. I work on fridays and saturdays to give us an extra push so we dont go under, and sometimes, we still do!! There are not a lot of places to rent that will allow pets though, and that is where we are heading into a problem. the place we are in has no counter space, no storage and the landlords are not keeping up with the upkeep-such as the leak under the sink in the kitchen that i told them about a month a go. Do i want to take legal action and make them do their jobs, no. Why you ask? because the landlord is a judge. Plus they want to retire and sell the house to us anyways, but we arent interested in staying. We have been looking at houses to buy, but EVERYTHING is out of our price range. I saw a place last night that was more in our range, but it didnt have a basement or a safe zone for weather related things. I am not okay with that.
That subject depresses me, so lets talk about more stuff. friends. I miss a lot of my friends. Some are getting married, some having kids, and a lot of them buying houses and cars. I feel as though i am missing out on things like this! We live four hours away from family and most of our good friends, so its hard to just go for a weekend visit. Speaking of friends, i am going to touch on a very sad and tender subject, death. A friend of ours just died in a head on collision. I didnt know him as well as i would have liked to have, but Garrett did and we both enjoyed his company. I didnt find out through a text or a phone call, but rather, on facebook, so i thought at first it was just a joke, and then i started seeing his picture pop up more and more in my feed, so i went to his page and scrolled through and found the news. He will be missed.
Living out in this small town has its perks. There are rodeos, and people know people and i have even learned to dish out directions based on north south east west, not by street! huge accomplishment there for me, a big city gal.
Relationships. My relationship with garrett has be strained lately. We have not really been seeing eye to eye on things that really matter. it seems like everytime i ask for him to do something he gets upset. Such as a fight we had last night, which he probably wouldnt like the world knowing about but hey, its me. So here goes. The house i went to view, he was supposed to come with me. I even waited until after we ate, changed and fed zy AND zy had a nap so that we could have our wits about us. BUt what happens? Garrett falls asleep, in the middle of watching zy, in the middle of the floor of zy's room! Sigh. As i was picking up and changing Z, i hit garretts leg which jostled him awake, good now he is up and we can go, no he fell back asleep. RAWR im mad! we are supposed to be doing this together! why does it feel like im going it alone? I put z in the car in his carseat and turn on the a/c. I wait until it is cooled off before i decide i am going to go see if garrett is actually coming. He is still on the floor in zy's room. I yell out that im leaving and he better be ready, but he says he is too tired. So whatever i go on my own. I did like the house but as mentioned above, no safe area. I get back and I am livid! Z needs a nap so i put him down in the crib and i meander out into the living room to begin picking up our toys from when we played. GArrett comes out and huffy asks why im mad. I ask him in return why he is mad. he is mad because i kicked him and i yelled at him. Wow. ok. Well i give it about an hour and then i go back into the bedroom and i explain to him just why im mad. He didnt come with us to see a potential living quarters, he was watching z while i was getting ready and fell asleep while z was playing with potentially harmful things such as the crib part that allows it to slide up and down (yes we have an ancient crib in our place but it keeps z safe at night) and my thoughts were if he fell and hit his head or some other part, garrett wouldnt have gottne to him because he is asleep. I am also mad because he just fell asleep. Im tired too, dammit so why does he get to sleep and not me? oh yea because im the mom who takes care of z, the laundry, the dishes, the cooking and the cleaning because he is tired and when he tries to help he hurts. He has been slacking a lot and i am trying to pick up the slack but it wears me thin. Either he helps or i go tired and no naps for me, or we have a stinky, smelly house where there are no dishes and no laundry. Excuse my ranting. This was never really resolved because hey he fell asleep again. Rolls eyes. I am not perfect and i do not pretend to be. but when z was born i told him i would require help around the house. and things are just not getting done. I try but a lot of the times i want to sleep too and end up sleeping.
Z is crawling like crazy and i couldnt be more happy about it. it allows for more fun adventures like the one we took today!! See his blog for more information! http://zysweetprince.blogspot.com/
Money, friends, relationships, and boy oh boy, my little one!!
First off, lets talk money! Money always seems to disappear! No, we are by no means living beyond our means...we dont even go out to eat, or do anything special. In fact most of the time, we sit in a chair or the bed and read books we got from the library... so it is not a matter of frugal spending. Our problem is, bills. They all come out on one day or a few days after. I know we did that on purpose because we wanted to be able to use Garretts pay check for it all so no biggie. ONce and a while though, i see people up and taking a trip to a far away place to them just because they can and i sigh and think, "that would be so nice" except we do not have the abilty to do so. I knew being a stay at home mom living off of my husbands income was going to be tough though, so its ok. I work on fridays and saturdays to give us an extra push so we dont go under, and sometimes, we still do!! There are not a lot of places to rent that will allow pets though, and that is where we are heading into a problem. the place we are in has no counter space, no storage and the landlords are not keeping up with the upkeep-such as the leak under the sink in the kitchen that i told them about a month a go. Do i want to take legal action and make them do their jobs, no. Why you ask? because the landlord is a judge. Plus they want to retire and sell the house to us anyways, but we arent interested in staying. We have been looking at houses to buy, but EVERYTHING is out of our price range. I saw a place last night that was more in our range, but it didnt have a basement or a safe zone for weather related things. I am not okay with that.
That subject depresses me, so lets talk about more stuff. friends. I miss a lot of my friends. Some are getting married, some having kids, and a lot of them buying houses and cars. I feel as though i am missing out on things like this! We live four hours away from family and most of our good friends, so its hard to just go for a weekend visit. Speaking of friends, i am going to touch on a very sad and tender subject, death. A friend of ours just died in a head on collision. I didnt know him as well as i would have liked to have, but Garrett did and we both enjoyed his company. I didnt find out through a text or a phone call, but rather, on facebook, so i thought at first it was just a joke, and then i started seeing his picture pop up more and more in my feed, so i went to his page and scrolled through and found the news. He will be missed.
Living out in this small town has its perks. There are rodeos, and people know people and i have even learned to dish out directions based on north south east west, not by street! huge accomplishment there for me, a big city gal.
Relationships. My relationship with garrett has be strained lately. We have not really been seeing eye to eye on things that really matter. it seems like everytime i ask for him to do something he gets upset. Such as a fight we had last night, which he probably wouldnt like the world knowing about but hey, its me. So here goes. The house i went to view, he was supposed to come with me. I even waited until after we ate, changed and fed zy AND zy had a nap so that we could have our wits about us. BUt what happens? Garrett falls asleep, in the middle of watching zy, in the middle of the floor of zy's room! Sigh. As i was picking up and changing Z, i hit garretts leg which jostled him awake, good now he is up and we can go, no he fell back asleep. RAWR im mad! we are supposed to be doing this together! why does it feel like im going it alone? I put z in the car in his carseat and turn on the a/c. I wait until it is cooled off before i decide i am going to go see if garrett is actually coming. He is still on the floor in zy's room. I yell out that im leaving and he better be ready, but he says he is too tired. So whatever i go on my own. I did like the house but as mentioned above, no safe area. I get back and I am livid! Z needs a nap so i put him down in the crib and i meander out into the living room to begin picking up our toys from when we played. GArrett comes out and huffy asks why im mad. I ask him in return why he is mad. he is mad because i kicked him and i yelled at him. Wow. ok. Well i give it about an hour and then i go back into the bedroom and i explain to him just why im mad. He didnt come with us to see a potential living quarters, he was watching z while i was getting ready and fell asleep while z was playing with potentially harmful things such as the crib part that allows it to slide up and down (yes we have an ancient crib in our place but it keeps z safe at night) and my thoughts were if he fell and hit his head or some other part, garrett wouldnt have gottne to him because he is asleep. I am also mad because he just fell asleep. Im tired too, dammit so why does he get to sleep and not me? oh yea because im the mom who takes care of z, the laundry, the dishes, the cooking and the cleaning because he is tired and when he tries to help he hurts. He has been slacking a lot and i am trying to pick up the slack but it wears me thin. Either he helps or i go tired and no naps for me, or we have a stinky, smelly house where there are no dishes and no laundry. Excuse my ranting. This was never really resolved because hey he fell asleep again. Rolls eyes. I am not perfect and i do not pretend to be. but when z was born i told him i would require help around the house. and things are just not getting done. I try but a lot of the times i want to sleep too and end up sleeping.
Z is crawling like crazy and i couldnt be more happy about it. it allows for more fun adventures like the one we took today!! See his blog for more information! http://zysweetprince.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
THE HELL?
So some of you may read my facebook statuses and know what is going on but i need this release.
Z and i spent yesterday morning at the Budget Shop volunteering. We sorted winter clothes from summer clothes and folded them and put them out accordingly. In one of the wallets i was looking at i found 45 dollars! I put it in my pocket, and thanked the Lord for how awesome He is.
Z started getting sleepy so i (having been there an hour and a half) left. Checked mail nothing interesting there, then went off to GArden City to do some shopping for us. We ate lunch at Subway, we both love subway. I knew it was going to be a good day when i heard Billy Ray on the Radio in Subway.
THen we went to Salvation ARmy where we got a few new shirts for z and one for our friend, Caleb who will be 1 soon!!!
After that we went to goodwill. We had SO much fun there!
We loved the batman outfit we found!! and loved the hanger even more. I tried to get z to play with a different toy but he kept going back to the hanger.
As i went to check out, I decided to not get some of the outfits that we had so i put them aside. I gave the guy the money and he was taking things off the hangers and i asked, "I dont suppose there is a chance i could keep that on the hanger?" He responds "No because its on loan from our corporate office in Wichita." I said "Oh," then proceeded to take the hanger from Zypher and i explained to him that he cant keep it because it wasnt his. Which to an 8.5 month old doesnt really mean anything. He started screaming and fussing i even tried giving him other toys to play with that normally work when he is fussy. I look at the associate again and ask for the hanger. to which he responds by calling his manager. WHen she arrived Zypher was still crying despite my attempts to soothe him. When she asked what the problem was, the kid and i say kid because he looked like he was 10 years old., said i was being disruptive. I looked at her and said, "I just wanted to know if there was a way that i could keep the hanger. My son loves them right now and i think it would be a good way to keep the bat shirt and cape from getting wrinkled" She said the same thing the kid did, " Its not ours to keep. they are on loan from the corporate office. im going to have to ask you to leave and not come back because you are disrupting the store." and she turned on heel and left. So i took my screaming hangerless child out of goodwill and decided im not going back to that store.
He was still crying when i got to the dollar store, to which the ladies there who havent seen him in about three months, were coddling him and holding him and said he could have any hanger he wanted even took us to a huge pile of discards that are left at the counter when people leave.
Thats all he needed. he was happy as could be. He was laughing and clapping and even talking once he got a hanger.
Is it so hard to just let us have what we want?
I did email the corporate office and let them know i was unsatisfied with how things were handled. Im waiting to hear back from them on that. Maybe i was in the wrong for asking to keep a hanger, who knows? either way, im not happy with the way things turned out. and it was such a good morning too!
Z and i spent yesterday morning at the Budget Shop volunteering. We sorted winter clothes from summer clothes and folded them and put them out accordingly. In one of the wallets i was looking at i found 45 dollars! I put it in my pocket, and thanked the Lord for how awesome He is.
Z started getting sleepy so i (having been there an hour and a half) left. Checked mail nothing interesting there, then went off to GArden City to do some shopping for us. We ate lunch at Subway, we both love subway. I knew it was going to be a good day when i heard Billy Ray on the Radio in Subway.
THen we went to Salvation ARmy where we got a few new shirts for z and one for our friend, Caleb who will be 1 soon!!!
After that we went to goodwill. We had SO much fun there!
We loved the batman outfit we found!! and loved the hanger even more. I tried to get z to play with a different toy but he kept going back to the hanger.
As i went to check out, I decided to not get some of the outfits that we had so i put them aside. I gave the guy the money and he was taking things off the hangers and i asked, "I dont suppose there is a chance i could keep that on the hanger?" He responds "No because its on loan from our corporate office in Wichita." I said "Oh," then proceeded to take the hanger from Zypher and i explained to him that he cant keep it because it wasnt his. Which to an 8.5 month old doesnt really mean anything. He started screaming and fussing i even tried giving him other toys to play with that normally work when he is fussy. I look at the associate again and ask for the hanger. to which he responds by calling his manager. WHen she arrived Zypher was still crying despite my attempts to soothe him. When she asked what the problem was, the kid and i say kid because he looked like he was 10 years old., said i was being disruptive. I looked at her and said, "I just wanted to know if there was a way that i could keep the hanger. My son loves them right now and i think it would be a good way to keep the bat shirt and cape from getting wrinkled" She said the same thing the kid did, " Its not ours to keep. they are on loan from the corporate office. im going to have to ask you to leave and not come back because you are disrupting the store." and she turned on heel and left. So i took my screaming hangerless child out of goodwill and decided im not going back to that store.
He was still crying when i got to the dollar store, to which the ladies there who havent seen him in about three months, were coddling him and holding him and said he could have any hanger he wanted even took us to a huge pile of discards that are left at the counter when people leave.
Thats all he needed. he was happy as could be. He was laughing and clapping and even talking once he got a hanger.
Is it so hard to just let us have what we want?
I did email the corporate office and let them know i was unsatisfied with how things were handled. Im waiting to hear back from them on that. Maybe i was in the wrong for asking to keep a hanger, who knows? either way, im not happy with the way things turned out. and it was such a good morning too!
Sunday, May 4, 2014
forensic is fun
so i accompanied the forensics team to Wichita for festival. We had fun at the melodrama. Serious, go see it if you can it is awesome!!! we had a great time shopping in towne east mall as well. So much to look at. As a plus, i got over my fear of escalators. yay!
the group didnt do so bad! one team got a 1 rating on their ida, one team got a 3 rating. One person received a 1 on his humorous solo and one got a 1 rating on her prose reading. YAY TEAM!!
the group didnt do so bad! one team got a 1 rating on their ida, one team got a 3 rating. One person received a 1 on his humorous solo and one got a 1 rating on her prose reading. YAY TEAM!!
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Prom was a disater
YAY PROM!! I am SO excited for it! I worked 8 to 3 Saturday. Up at 6 to take care of Zy and get myself fed and ready.
At work ALL of our gas pumps were down so that hurt our income serious impact on our revenue flow im talking like 5000 plus dollars here people!!
Anywho, the guy came and fixed them was a professional from the company and not just some random maintenance guy. He said there was a short in the wiring and our submerged pump (the part that actually pumps the fuel) was clogged and needed replaced. He did fix it all though and now the gas pumps faster than it has!! yay!
Prom: HELP ME I NEED A SITTER!!! ok we found a sitter and we got a bag packed for Zy and we got ready for prom.
Garrett assured me i was going to love it! That it was going to be super. (I wonder how much of this was marketing ploy from him-a junior class sponsor, since the theme was, "under the big top")
We got there and the valet service was only for the juniors and seniors...DUMB! last year they parked all cars. Note to all though-last year it was blizzard conditions and icy out this year it was all about the wind.
Anywho lets begin with dinner. They asked what i wanted to drink so i went the safe route and said water, until i got to the table and saw that there was a "circus program" that included what was to eat and drink...and there was tea. SIGH i was hoping to get the tea but the servers never came back to refill our cups!! WTF? -for some reason we were placed with a group of the teens instead of with the adults which was super awkward because they were so "tight" with each other they shared food and drinks they were also speaking in spanish to each other the whole meal.
our meal was bbq brisket, green beans, and mashed potatoes. even though the menu said there was potatoes au gratin and either tossed salad or blt pasta salad. No dressings (which i dont mind because who wants to kill a salad with that?) but we werent given a choice, they ran out of tossed salads so we had to get the blt salad. The plate of food was so small and served on paper plates. with beer stiens with mustaches on them for drinks. Not impressed. THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME MAD: this is the EXACT SAME MEAL THEY SERVE AT EVERY DINNER PARTY EVER IN THIS TOWN. like its the only thing they know how to make or something. We were supposed to be able to choose cheesecake or peach cobbler but oh we're out of cheesecake so you only get cobbler. *roll eyes* how the HELL do you run out? the table behind us barely got any food at all. I didnt touch any of my food i gave it all to Garrett even though i was noticeably hungry -tummy was growling rest of the night. They KNEW how many people were going to be in attendance, yet they ran out of food? Im so done ugh.
At the dance: the snack table was raided before it even started and everything was gone so fast that the sponsors who were actually in charge were a) baffled and b) pissed off. WHAT THE HELL were you expecting with a shitty meal like that provided? i mean seriously?
there was a smoke/fog machine that would go off randomly and it was just weird. because kids found the controllers and were messing with it the rest of the night. DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE BALLOONS!! have balloons will get high. ugh. And the parents and chaparones just laughed at it. when a teenage girl gives a gradeschooler a balloon and says suck on this its fun, and the parent does nothing i feel so sorry. Because everyone laughed after that like it was just so cute. Maybe im blowing it out of porportion because i was mad that dinner is ALWAYS THE SAME MEAL, but i dont feel that that was either funny OR acceptable behaviour from all parties involved.
I wanted to dance because that was the actual fun part! however there was a different dj this time and he wasnt playing dance songs really.
i stayed close to the door because they had the gym done up literally like a circus tent which made me feel very clausterphobic due to the lack of lighting and doors and open space. They do this for prom every year apparently and for the snowball dance too. why block out everything why not just have an open floor? last year it was bad too because i was pregnant and clausterphobic.
Everytime i mention somehting like this to garrett though he rolls his eyes and sighs like its really not an issue, but to me, it is. Maybe its because i grew up in a large town that i cant stand half of this crap, or maybe its hormones, who knows but i really am not liking it around here as much as i used to
At work ALL of our gas pumps were down so that hurt our income serious impact on our revenue flow im talking like 5000 plus dollars here people!!
Anywho, the guy came and fixed them was a professional from the company and not just some random maintenance guy. He said there was a short in the wiring and our submerged pump (the part that actually pumps the fuel) was clogged and needed replaced. He did fix it all though and now the gas pumps faster than it has!! yay!
Prom: HELP ME I NEED A SITTER!!! ok we found a sitter and we got a bag packed for Zy and we got ready for prom.
Garrett assured me i was going to love it! That it was going to be super. (I wonder how much of this was marketing ploy from him-a junior class sponsor, since the theme was, "under the big top")
We got there and the valet service was only for the juniors and seniors...DUMB! last year they parked all cars. Note to all though-last year it was blizzard conditions and icy out this year it was all about the wind.
Anywho lets begin with dinner. They asked what i wanted to drink so i went the safe route and said water, until i got to the table and saw that there was a "circus program" that included what was to eat and drink...and there was tea. SIGH i was hoping to get the tea but the servers never came back to refill our cups!! WTF? -for some reason we were placed with a group of the teens instead of with the adults which was super awkward because they were so "tight" with each other they shared food and drinks they were also speaking in spanish to each other the whole meal.
our meal was bbq brisket, green beans, and mashed potatoes. even though the menu said there was potatoes au gratin and either tossed salad or blt pasta salad. No dressings (which i dont mind because who wants to kill a salad with that?) but we werent given a choice, they ran out of tossed salads so we had to get the blt salad. The plate of food was so small and served on paper plates. with beer stiens with mustaches on them for drinks. Not impressed. THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME MAD: this is the EXACT SAME MEAL THEY SERVE AT EVERY DINNER PARTY EVER IN THIS TOWN. like its the only thing they know how to make or something. We were supposed to be able to choose cheesecake or peach cobbler but oh we're out of cheesecake so you only get cobbler. *roll eyes* how the HELL do you run out? the table behind us barely got any food at all. I didnt touch any of my food i gave it all to Garrett even though i was noticeably hungry -tummy was growling rest of the night. They KNEW how many people were going to be in attendance, yet they ran out of food? Im so done ugh.
At the dance: the snack table was raided before it even started and everything was gone so fast that the sponsors who were actually in charge were a) baffled and b) pissed off. WHAT THE HELL were you expecting with a shitty meal like that provided? i mean seriously?
there was a smoke/fog machine that would go off randomly and it was just weird. because kids found the controllers and were messing with it the rest of the night. DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE BALLOONS!! have balloons will get high. ugh. And the parents and chaparones just laughed at it. when a teenage girl gives a gradeschooler a balloon and says suck on this its fun, and the parent does nothing i feel so sorry. Because everyone laughed after that like it was just so cute. Maybe im blowing it out of porportion because i was mad that dinner is ALWAYS THE SAME MEAL, but i dont feel that that was either funny OR acceptable behaviour from all parties involved.
I wanted to dance because that was the actual fun part! however there was a different dj this time and he wasnt playing dance songs really.
i stayed close to the door because they had the gym done up literally like a circus tent which made me feel very clausterphobic due to the lack of lighting and doors and open space. They do this for prom every year apparently and for the snowball dance too. why block out everything why not just have an open floor? last year it was bad too because i was pregnant and clausterphobic.
Everytime i mention somehting like this to garrett though he rolls his eyes and sighs like its really not an issue, but to me, it is. Maybe its because i grew up in a large town that i cant stand half of this crap, or maybe its hormones, who knows but i really am not liking it around here as much as i used to
Friday, March 28, 2014
RAGE RANT contains language
So I go in to my work place at 7:15 am so that i can get a cup of coffee and I double checked that I was to go in at noon, which i was. Boss tells me that the pumps have stopped pumping and oh guess what, we have to wait until maintenance comes to work on them. SIGH.
Ok so I get Zy all ready to go and I get to the sitter and they tell me that they cant watch Z tomorrow (Sat) because its prom and they need to get their daughter all ready for it and what not. UGH!!!
Well here goes my work day. No too bad to start off with. They were working on the pumps (guess the filter was from 2010 and some connections had come loose, go figure). Things are going great! I am happy, smiling and getting more done than normal. And cue the friday after school rush (3:20-4) which normally is not a problem, yet today, at THIS time, the pumps decide to stop working AGAIN. I called the help desk and the guy says "Well is there fuel in the ground?" I dont know! how am i supposed to know!? "I dont know sir, how do i check that?"
"You read your meter" What meter? "Uhm where is that?" "It should be on the switchboard with the rest of the numbers you use to change the gas prices..." "We dont have that. we still have to change them by ourselves sir." "Oh well then i cant really help" ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!? I HAVE 5 customers in here needing fuel and ITS NOT FUCKING WORKING!!!!!!
I am working with the customers though with a smile on my face and being as jolly as i can because hey thats how you make the world go round right? but really on the inside i am screaming and crying and having an anxiety meltdown. people are pissed off at me, like its MY fault that everything has stopped working. And i am just wondering how much more of this i can take. I mean for real people, why does going to work have to trigger my anxiety? every single time i am there, something happens/ goes wrong! its starting to make me wonder just how much the extra 400 a month is worth... Its helping us pay bills and keep from going in the hole each month. and dont suggest that we be frugal with our spending because we are. We dont do anything that isnt a bill or some sort of payment ie loans and student loans.
So i called my manager who was upset that helpdesk guy didnt help me. said he would make sure that the guy would lose his job. (yea livid manager is not cool remind me to stay on his good side!) anywho, he reset the system and it worked...for ten minutes. sigh. then i got really busy AGAIN and couldnt get to call the helpdesk again or do any of my closing duties. I have no idea what is going to happen.
I have two missed text messages and a missed phone call from my babysitters trying to get a hold of me to see if i was off of work yet because they apparently have somewhere to be at 530. UGH!!!!
Now i have a screaming baby and shaken nerves and a cat that is meowing my head off and i cant seem to calm down to take care of any of it.
Ok so I get Zy all ready to go and I get to the sitter and they tell me that they cant watch Z tomorrow (Sat) because its prom and they need to get their daughter all ready for it and what not. UGH!!!
Well here goes my work day. No too bad to start off with. They were working on the pumps (guess the filter was from 2010 and some connections had come loose, go figure). Things are going great! I am happy, smiling and getting more done than normal. And cue the friday after school rush (3:20-4) which normally is not a problem, yet today, at THIS time, the pumps decide to stop working AGAIN. I called the help desk and the guy says "Well is there fuel in the ground?" I dont know! how am i supposed to know!? "I dont know sir, how do i check that?"
"You read your meter" What meter? "Uhm where is that?" "It should be on the switchboard with the rest of the numbers you use to change the gas prices..." "We dont have that. we still have to change them by ourselves sir." "Oh well then i cant really help" ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!? I HAVE 5 customers in here needing fuel and ITS NOT FUCKING WORKING!!!!!!
I am working with the customers though with a smile on my face and being as jolly as i can because hey thats how you make the world go round right? but really on the inside i am screaming and crying and having an anxiety meltdown. people are pissed off at me, like its MY fault that everything has stopped working. And i am just wondering how much more of this i can take. I mean for real people, why does going to work have to trigger my anxiety? every single time i am there, something happens/ goes wrong! its starting to make me wonder just how much the extra 400 a month is worth... Its helping us pay bills and keep from going in the hole each month. and dont suggest that we be frugal with our spending because we are. We dont do anything that isnt a bill or some sort of payment ie loans and student loans.
So i called my manager who was upset that helpdesk guy didnt help me. said he would make sure that the guy would lose his job. (yea livid manager is not cool remind me to stay on his good side!) anywho, he reset the system and it worked...for ten minutes. sigh. then i got really busy AGAIN and couldnt get to call the helpdesk again or do any of my closing duties. I have no idea what is going to happen.
I have two missed text messages and a missed phone call from my babysitters trying to get a hold of me to see if i was off of work yet because they apparently have somewhere to be at 530. UGH!!!!
Now i have a screaming baby and shaken nerves and a cat that is meowing my head off and i cant seem to calm down to take care of any of it.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
spring
so it is the first day of spring. not that that really matters her in kansas...i mean we have a very weird mother nature.
Today it is supposed to be 80 degrees out so i want to go to the zoo. we actually may.
Just a little tmi to everyone reading this: All of us have constipation and it hurts. like so much worse than when i was trying right after having little baby zy.
Z was baptized and he was so excited about it. something that helped was that my mom, dad, sister, and uncle were there. Also a good friend from college and her boyfriend came to support us. I think everyone else decided to bail on us. Which i think i am finally over. I have ranted and vented about that to my husband, my counselor, and now, some of my best friends via letters. Thank you cards have gone out too. Z loves his exersaucer from evenflo. Its called Megasplash or as garrett calls it, his command station. I use it as a cup holder lol. As far as cup holders go, Z is starting on baby foods. anything i have made so far such as peas, green beans have been a hit. And he started drinking out of a sippy cup!
No crawling yet, but he loves sitting up and talking to us. well at this point its more of a yell but not for food or attention, just more of a i dont know how to control my voice level kind of thing.
We have made great progress on bills!! We actually had money left this month! Which is good because garretts phone decided it was going to take a bath in the washing machine. we found this out too late and placed it in a bag of rice to dry out over the night and nothing happened so we had to get a new one. which was 99 dollars! thank god for insurance otherwise it would have been 500! wowo.
well somehow i have gained all my weight back despite my close watch on my food eating. Guess I better start working out more again. The struggles the struggles!!
Frozen came out on dvd and i have every intention of getting a copy!!! I LOVE this movie soooooooo much! so does Zy. He sings along to it all the time with me.
It is spring break and i cannot believe that it is Thursday. Sigh. so much for spending time together. i mean we have had a lot of meals together and a lot of time to just sit and talk but we spent it with z or cleaning and straightening the house up. we are seriously behind on that.
Maybe now we can just relax, except i work friday and saturday 6 hours each day. which reminds me i need to pay the sitter.
Today i put an outfit of overalls on z and oops they were too small! I looked at the tag it was a 3/6 month outfiit!! oops i thought i had gotten rid of all of those and put them in storage! guess one slipped through my notice.
I really want Zs teeth to come in. He is feverish and chewing on everything. i can see some white trying to poke through one day and the next, nothing. At least the formula is helping more than any of the others we have had. and eating an ounce or two of peas or green beans with some rice cereal in it before having a bottle is really helping us out.
I am such a super shopper and budgeter! I budgeted 250 for groceries and we spent 251.06 yay! coupons help too! Gas for our vehicle, i had 60 and we filled up at 59.47!! Our menu changes are very small and i stick to it as much as possible to keep us in line and on budget. It is a great way to help us save and keep focused on what we are doing.
Today it is supposed to be 80 degrees out so i want to go to the zoo. we actually may.
Just a little tmi to everyone reading this: All of us have constipation and it hurts. like so much worse than when i was trying right after having little baby zy.
Z was baptized and he was so excited about it. something that helped was that my mom, dad, sister, and uncle were there. Also a good friend from college and her boyfriend came to support us. I think everyone else decided to bail on us. Which i think i am finally over. I have ranted and vented about that to my husband, my counselor, and now, some of my best friends via letters. Thank you cards have gone out too. Z loves his exersaucer from evenflo. Its called Megasplash or as garrett calls it, his command station. I use it as a cup holder lol. As far as cup holders go, Z is starting on baby foods. anything i have made so far such as peas, green beans have been a hit. And he started drinking out of a sippy cup!
No crawling yet, but he loves sitting up and talking to us. well at this point its more of a yell but not for food or attention, just more of a i dont know how to control my voice level kind of thing.
We have made great progress on bills!! We actually had money left this month! Which is good because garretts phone decided it was going to take a bath in the washing machine. we found this out too late and placed it in a bag of rice to dry out over the night and nothing happened so we had to get a new one. which was 99 dollars! thank god for insurance otherwise it would have been 500! wowo.
well somehow i have gained all my weight back despite my close watch on my food eating. Guess I better start working out more again. The struggles the struggles!!
Frozen came out on dvd and i have every intention of getting a copy!!! I LOVE this movie soooooooo much! so does Zy. He sings along to it all the time with me.
It is spring break and i cannot believe that it is Thursday. Sigh. so much for spending time together. i mean we have had a lot of meals together and a lot of time to just sit and talk but we spent it with z or cleaning and straightening the house up. we are seriously behind on that.
Maybe now we can just relax, except i work friday and saturday 6 hours each day. which reminds me i need to pay the sitter.
Today i put an outfit of overalls on z and oops they were too small! I looked at the tag it was a 3/6 month outfiit!! oops i thought i had gotten rid of all of those and put them in storage! guess one slipped through my notice.
I really want Zs teeth to come in. He is feverish and chewing on everything. i can see some white trying to poke through one day and the next, nothing. At least the formula is helping more than any of the others we have had. and eating an ounce or two of peas or green beans with some rice cereal in it before having a bottle is really helping us out.
I am such a super shopper and budgeter! I budgeted 250 for groceries and we spent 251.06 yay! coupons help too! Gas for our vehicle, i had 60 and we filled up at 59.47!! Our menu changes are very small and i stick to it as much as possible to keep us in line and on budget. It is a great way to help us save and keep focused on what we are doing.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
wow
Hello blogging world. Long time no post.
Here is a little bit of an update.
SNOW APOCALYPSE happened, lil z is talking and can fully sit unsupported now. I am still working at the gas station on the weekends, we have paid off TWO hospital bills and only two remain (very large ones sadly, but we WILL get there!)
My husband and myself have been fighting over silly things. Mostly due to stress and a very large time frame of not seeing each other. Its hard when he leaves at 7 and doesnt come home until 5 most days. But as a dutiful wife and mostly stay at home mommy, i am trying to keep the house clean, laundry done and dinner ready.
Which also leads to silly arguments. I really am not supermom and i never have pretended to be. I knew i would need help and help has not been given freely. I have asked and asked several times for his help and yes, he will do laundry on the weekends, disappearing into "the dungeon" or rather, basement in our small house we rent. But the big thing is that i am just so tired these days! I blame the weather, i really do! THere is nothing worse than it being 70 degrees one day and the next -2!!!
Ok so we hashed it out very loudly in the dungeon while lil z slept because, lets face it, he didnt need to hear it or be near it. We came to the wonderful conclusion that i need to be more upfront about what i need done and he needs to be more available. yay for us.
It has been going on a week now since this happened and we are doing a lot better.
As far as baby z, check out his blog,
http://zysweetprince.blogspot.com/2014/03/teething-is-tough.html
Here is a little bit of an update.
SNOW APOCALYPSE happened, lil z is talking and can fully sit unsupported now. I am still working at the gas station on the weekends, we have paid off TWO hospital bills and only two remain (very large ones sadly, but we WILL get there!)
My husband and myself have been fighting over silly things. Mostly due to stress and a very large time frame of not seeing each other. Its hard when he leaves at 7 and doesnt come home until 5 most days. But as a dutiful wife and mostly stay at home mommy, i am trying to keep the house clean, laundry done and dinner ready.
Which also leads to silly arguments. I really am not supermom and i never have pretended to be. I knew i would need help and help has not been given freely. I have asked and asked several times for his help and yes, he will do laundry on the weekends, disappearing into "the dungeon" or rather, basement in our small house we rent. But the big thing is that i am just so tired these days! I blame the weather, i really do! THere is nothing worse than it being 70 degrees one day and the next -2!!!
Ok so we hashed it out very loudly in the dungeon while lil z slept because, lets face it, he didnt need to hear it or be near it. We came to the wonderful conclusion that i need to be more upfront about what i need done and he needs to be more available. yay for us.
It has been going on a week now since this happened and we are doing a lot better.
As far as baby z, check out his blog,
http://zysweetprince.blogspot.com/2014/03/teething-is-tough.html
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Some turn of events
Well lets start this post off by saying a good and some bad.
The good: I got that job and have been working sparingly over the last week or so. It is nice to have my own source of independence and income. It is also very nice to be away from my little guy for a few (7) hours at a time a few days a week.
The bad: i have gotten some sort of bug and it is finally doing its worst. However, because I am not working this evening, I will have to cover the shift of the person covering for me...no biggie, except they work 5 to midnight! OMG! Then the next morning i will have to work 9 to 5. yay exhaustion on top of sickness and exhaustion!
I am doing my best though to contribute in other ways than just being mom and keeping a clean house. Even though i love doing that!!
in other news: My little boy is going to be six months old (SIX!) at the end of the month, HOLY COW where did the time go!?
POV from lil guy:
We are planning a trip to the other side of the state in a few weeks (two i believe actually), and I CANNOT WAIT to see auntie Kat, grandma, grandpa, great grandma and grandpa, momma's besties with names like Journey, Kaity, Lynn, +Frances Mihulec, and Anna. We are bringing lots of presents and i am going to wear nice cute clothes for them but to be honest, i just prefer to be naked or wearing only a diaper. Which mommy insists on these cloth diapers. I think its funny to watch and listen to her when she changes me say "oh you were really wet!" Well no kidding what do you expect when you are wearing cloth!? I think its funny that I can wear one and people fawn over how cute they are...its dots people. Its funny because people think that cloth means safety pins but not any more! mommy likes to tell me that im cute, can you keep a secret, I already KNOW that :)
Well you heard him right! we are going to the other side of the state for a visit :)
This year valentines day has made me sick. i am not sure why, i have always loved this holiday and now everytime i think of it or see its red and pinkness, i feel like spewing.
We need to grocery shop, but i cannot do that until we have gotten paid (the 10th) and basically what i am doing is trying this freezer meals for 150 bucks thing. it gives you all you need and you only spend 150 bucks and its feeds two with occasional leftovers and will last the month. For which i am going to be printing and using as many coupons as i can think of getting! plus, its dillons, so i get to use the points earned to buy gas which in itself is an expense i cringe at!
I am also delving into making bentos again, thank you +Heather Lovelady for the stuff!! :) even though my husband gets to eat at school for practically free now that he is supervising, does not mean that i cant enjoy them or we cant enjoy them as a dinner.
Lets see what else can i tell you that i havent just yet? I am still working on being mom, and helping dad at being dad. We still fight, but we're settling things in good ways. Not ignoring them or pushing them around the plate. We are thinking and looking at applying to other places for employment closer to our families.
The good: I got that job and have been working sparingly over the last week or so. It is nice to have my own source of independence and income. It is also very nice to be away from my little guy for a few (7) hours at a time a few days a week.
The bad: i have gotten some sort of bug and it is finally doing its worst. However, because I am not working this evening, I will have to cover the shift of the person covering for me...no biggie, except they work 5 to midnight! OMG! Then the next morning i will have to work 9 to 5. yay exhaustion on top of sickness and exhaustion!
I am doing my best though to contribute in other ways than just being mom and keeping a clean house. Even though i love doing that!!
in other news: My little boy is going to be six months old (SIX!) at the end of the month, HOLY COW where did the time go!?
POV from lil guy:
We are planning a trip to the other side of the state in a few weeks (two i believe actually), and I CANNOT WAIT to see auntie Kat, grandma, grandpa, great grandma and grandpa, momma's besties with names like Journey, Kaity, Lynn, +Frances Mihulec, and Anna. We are bringing lots of presents and i am going to wear nice cute clothes for them but to be honest, i just prefer to be naked or wearing only a diaper. Which mommy insists on these cloth diapers. I think its funny to watch and listen to her when she changes me say "oh you were really wet!" Well no kidding what do you expect when you are wearing cloth!? I think its funny that I can wear one and people fawn over how cute they are...its dots people. Its funny because people think that cloth means safety pins but not any more! mommy likes to tell me that im cute, can you keep a secret, I already KNOW that :)
Well you heard him right! we are going to the other side of the state for a visit :)
This year valentines day has made me sick. i am not sure why, i have always loved this holiday and now everytime i think of it or see its red and pinkness, i feel like spewing.
We need to grocery shop, but i cannot do that until we have gotten paid (the 10th) and basically what i am doing is trying this freezer meals for 150 bucks thing. it gives you all you need and you only spend 150 bucks and its feeds two with occasional leftovers and will last the month. For which i am going to be printing and using as many coupons as i can think of getting! plus, its dillons, so i get to use the points earned to buy gas which in itself is an expense i cringe at!
I am also delving into making bentos again, thank you +Heather Lovelady for the stuff!! :) even though my husband gets to eat at school for practically free now that he is supervising, does not mean that i cant enjoy them or we cant enjoy them as a dinner.
Lets see what else can i tell you that i havent just yet? I am still working on being mom, and helping dad at being dad. We still fight, but we're settling things in good ways. Not ignoring them or pushing them around the plate. We are thinking and looking at applying to other places for employment closer to our families.
Friday, January 10, 2014
A new year. lets just say YAY
Lets start the new year off! I am working hard on my goal to lose the rest of my baby weight which im down half a pound so must be working!
Lets talk about how the holiday went...eh strike that, lets not.
Baby is doing great! we are going to the doctor monday for his four month check up even though he will be 4.5 months.
We had eye appointments last week, which i discovered i had to change my lenses on my glasses. for the better this time though! However, doing so meant paying for them *Sigh* adult life sucks sometimes. We were 106 dollars in the hole due to that. HOWEVER today is payday and even after i spent money on bento supplies from a bento store going out of business *see OhayoBento.com* we are going to be fine this month.
I had spent grueling hours on the phone getting our payment dates changed to payday instead of before payday. YAY success there. Plus we are now on a flat payment for our gas bill! again, yay!
I had an interview for a job and im really excited about it, because it seems that i am pretty much a likely candidate for the position, possibly a higher one than the one i applied for. *fingers crossed*
Lets talk about how the holiday went...eh strike that, lets not.
Baby is doing great! we are going to the doctor monday for his four month check up even though he will be 4.5 months.
We had eye appointments last week, which i discovered i had to change my lenses on my glasses. for the better this time though! However, doing so meant paying for them *Sigh* adult life sucks sometimes. We were 106 dollars in the hole due to that. HOWEVER today is payday and even after i spent money on bento supplies from a bento store going out of business *see OhayoBento.com* we are going to be fine this month.
I had spent grueling hours on the phone getting our payment dates changed to payday instead of before payday. YAY success there. Plus we are now on a flat payment for our gas bill! again, yay!
I had an interview for a job and im really excited about it, because it seems that i am pretty much a likely candidate for the position, possibly a higher one than the one i applied for. *fingers crossed*
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