I just have that dang llama song stuck in my head today.
this morning, Zypher decided that coffee looks better on him and on the floor than in the coffee cup. sigh. he also did not want to take a morning nap. He doesnt want me either. we were going to go walk our mile today but we cant because it is raining so instead we opened the door and watched the rain.
I made bank sunday! I found a keurig, a singing elmo car, a ball pit, and an inflatable baby tub (i thought it was a baby pool :( sad day) all for 20 bucks! yes the keurig makes a god aweful ugly noise when it is brewing, but it still works. The elmo car is faded, but it works! the ball pit has four places that you blow into to blow it up, but hey its a ball pit!
I applied to GCCC (garden city community college) and i guess i am in so long as i get three reference letters. from a personal, a counselor, and a work supervisor...okay then better get cracking if i want them to get in on time!!!
Magic is being cuddly because of the weather and now that i have done this blog i feel like i am going to go write.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Pour me a stiff one
I am so angry that the world hates me today!
My computer has somehow gotten a virus, and i know how to get rid of it, but its a sneaky virus and is one step ahead of me. :/
Well, we went and got groceries and we always get a gift card for mcdonalds too so we can eat after. I guess my body didnt want ANY of it. i barely ate. Everything was annoying too. Like the beeps on the dang timers, the fact that my sandwhich was crooked, the seatbelt for the child seat was broken, my mcflurry was made with the icecream then the m&ms put on top, not mixed in like seriously people?! whatever.
We got home and garrett didnt put groceries away because he brought them in, and yes, that is our usual thing but dammit today i just wanted to slap the shit out of him for saying that.
We put z to bed and i put in the last disc of The Flash- my crush from childhood john shipp. Anyways, the disc doesnt work! UGH and i know when i turn it in tomorrow at the library the bitchy lady is going to look at me like im crazy. she ALWAYS DOES! im supposed to have teacher privileges which means unlimited books for a month and 12 discs instead of 6 for the month but she NEVER lets me check out that many because i work at the gas station so im not a teacher. Good thing im EXCELLENT friends with the library director. :) He will fix it for me. come to think of it, she doesnt give garrett his month of books either.
I applied for FAFSA for early childhood education associates degree from the community college here and the damned thing says that im not entering my correct tax info! wtf?! i have it right here in my hand and its nto right?! Tits!!
Not to mention i work tomorrow noon to five then sat 8 to five and Garrett instead of doing anything helpful has decided to hide in the basement. thank you technology...not
just give me a drink.
My computer has somehow gotten a virus, and i know how to get rid of it, but its a sneaky virus and is one step ahead of me. :/
Well, we went and got groceries and we always get a gift card for mcdonalds too so we can eat after. I guess my body didnt want ANY of it. i barely ate. Everything was annoying too. Like the beeps on the dang timers, the fact that my sandwhich was crooked, the seatbelt for the child seat was broken, my mcflurry was made with the icecream then the m&ms put on top, not mixed in like seriously people?! whatever.
We got home and garrett didnt put groceries away because he brought them in, and yes, that is our usual thing but dammit today i just wanted to slap the shit out of him for saying that.
We put z to bed and i put in the last disc of The Flash- my crush from childhood john shipp. Anyways, the disc doesnt work! UGH and i know when i turn it in tomorrow at the library the bitchy lady is going to look at me like im crazy. she ALWAYS DOES! im supposed to have teacher privileges which means unlimited books for a month and 12 discs instead of 6 for the month but she NEVER lets me check out that many because i work at the gas station so im not a teacher. Good thing im EXCELLENT friends with the library director. :) He will fix it for me. come to think of it, she doesnt give garrett his month of books either.
I applied for FAFSA for early childhood education associates degree from the community college here and the damned thing says that im not entering my correct tax info! wtf?! i have it right here in my hand and its nto right?! Tits!!
Not to mention i work tomorrow noon to five then sat 8 to five and Garrett instead of doing anything helpful has decided to hide in the basement. thank you technology...not
just give me a drink.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
What the Effing Crap!? *long
Heres the down dirty nitty gritty. Ignore the jumping of train of thoughts back and forth between it all i am VERY close to having a *friend* over to visit (hint). Also i just have a lot i want to say and i WILL try to organize it...no promises though
I love it out here on occasion. when i am involved, when there are actual other people involved in the daily world of Zypher and Jessica.
I miss my family so much it hurts. And i want to go back to them or at least find a happy medium. somewhere where i can take a weekend trip, not a week long trip. DO NOT get me wrong, a week long trip is AWESOME!!! I just miss them and need my batteries recharged sometimes.
Garrett and I WERE approved for the house and I find myself saying, DO I WANT THIS FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS? sigh, do i? ask me after church on sundays, after volunteering at the local thrift store on tuesday, some wednesdays when i get the oppertunity to go and sew with a group of older women, and after work on Friday, and most Saturdays. The answer is yes. After the interaction wears off, i dont want it anymore though...and i find myself back to wanting to be with my family. However, a place of my own!!! A place i can paint, have dogs, cats, rats whatever pet i want (not likely all of those really people be reasonable!) Also, there is education to consider in this...Garrett wants to stay here because he not only likes his class sizes, he likes that he can get the planetarium refurbished soon (if you want to donate to help defray the districts costs, contact him via email: garrett.nekuda@usd215.org) and work on his masters degree online: which only requires he go to the university for 2 weeks a summer to do tests and hands on work in a town that is only four hours from here, where we currently are. YES you can suggest that we sit and discuss this matter until you are blue in the face, and we will take it to heart, because we do discuss it. We do talk about where we want to be, and the answer is always the same...I HAVE NO CLUE!!! I dont even know what i want to do with my life anymore!! i have made some great friends and connections here! Love the people, and that the pool is open ALL YEAR!! :) But i miss being able to just go out with friends on a whim, not having to plan a week in advance to make sure my baby is taken care of. Now DO NOT mistake that part for me not wanting my baby, because i do. with every fiber of my being i do!!
I have found a program that will get me certified as a teaching aide in a very short amount of time and at a low cost, but i dont know if i want to even do that. I keep going back to it because it would be useful in a classroom setting if i ever go back to being a para or want to do something with teaching. It would be useful in getting my GPA up, which i could use. Im only worried that i will lose interest quickly like i do with so many other things these days. i could look for a daycare and ask for more hours at work but i like what i have. i do not like that Garrett is always working! whether at the pool or for the school, we dont get to spend time together any more. We spent two hours playing monopoly the other day with out z, but that was the most we have had in over a month. Its stupid because he asked for morning shifts and ends up with closing shifts GRRRRRRRRRRRR stupid teenagers with summer camps and family vacations and other things not job related but then still wanting a job.Its not just the work though, its technology. Garrett has a school issued iPad and i do NOT like it at all. when he is home for break or in the mornings or before bed HE IS ALWAYS ON IT! I try to talk to him but im just like theres no point because he is playing a game. Or the house is a mess because he spent the week i was on vacation with my family playing on his computer and iPad. he didnt even eat the food i told him to eat, and it either went bad or molded, or he ate food that was supposed to go in another dish and we couldnt have that dish after that. lets talk about things he didnt do more: like the dishes, still piled up high in the sink and around our tiny ass kitchen, collecting mold and not getting easier to clean. the litterbox, which really pissed me off because that can make my cat sick :( my poor furbaby.
things he did do; go to work, feed the cat, and oh my uniform which i didnt need that week... O.o
Garrett likes to play chase z around the floor, which is cool i like that he interacts with him more now, but I really cannot believe that z is 10 months old and Garrett CANNOT pack a diaper bag. im like really garrett? for real? and he is like when am i ever around to do this? my response was to scoff at him and say whose fault is *THAT* remembering that he brings in the lump sum of our money because i only work about 10 hours a week mostly being saturdays. I have written him NUMEROUS notes, he has seen me put the bag together. My thoughts on this are that he really just doesnt want to.
The hospital sent me a letter saying i was delinquent on my accounts because i hadnt paid in over 90 days. I have the receipts saying otherwise. When i physically went in and talked to the collections lady, she was like oh yea it sometimes does that and we dont catch it. I was like well im paid heres my proof you better fix it. and she said its on the computer saying you paid so just ignore the letter. my response, you need to work on that because i am so tired of getting these letters every other month. I pay you on the 10th when my husband gets paid and i have been over this with you three times. I do not like the way things are being dealt with. If i have paid i do not want to see a letter in my box that says urgent action required. And all the lady did was laugh and say yea, it just happens sorry. UGH!
Ok so my phone broke like literally would not charge anywhere in any port at all! So i ordered a new one after filing a claim with insurance and what not, and oh that cost 100 dollars. (twitter reference at end of this rant* THEN THE BED BREAKS!! THE COILS CAME UP AND SCRATCHED ME! we have had this bed for 5 years so its no surprise that this happened but WHY now?? So we just covered it with some old rags and some cardboard that will do absolutely nothing but *maybe* buy us another month? *crosses fingers*Today the freaking crib decides that it doesnt want to stay up! Yes, i know its illegal to have the sliding side cribs, but i cant afford a crib! I was in babys r us and wanted to get one but didnt think we could afford another credit card to pay off. I would slide it and lock it in place on one side but the other side wouldnt lock, so i just gave up! even turning the bed to he other side wont help, z is strong enough to kick the bed away from the wall. SallieMae decided the needed more money from me so instead of my payments being oh roughly 113, they are now 120 because my husband makes more money on the salary scale now that he is a more "experienced" teacher #moneyproblems
i was in IHOP with my family during my vacation (june 15 thro june 23) and actually had a break down i was bawling my eyes out in IHOP. I found that z was eating a lot more than usual and in more frequent bursts and they informed me he was going through a growth spurt. Yes, i get it he is going to grow, but that threw our schedule of 3 months off track! it also means spending more money each moth on food. They took us to walmart and bought him food for which i am thankful but i still fear that i wont ever have money for food for either us or z. NO WE DO NOT SPEND MONEY ON THINGS THAT ARE NOT NEEDED!
Z is a good swimmer! i have a video up on my facebook page Disclaimer you will have to dig for it and by dig i mean scroll: https://www.facebook.com/jes.nekuda edited its from july 2
Also, his first birthday is in a month! holy SHIT where is my baby? He is already a year old! excuse me while i cry in a corner and look at his baby pictures. His birthday party is set for August the 9th!!! I have about 60 of everything, even though no one is going to show up. i wanted to be prepared.
He did pretty good at the fireworks show. He watched the people set them off and then watched as they went up. he even clapped some. Halfway through the show he fell asleep. That was pretty cool to me, except i want paying attention i was too busy trying to roll the windows up and get away from the people smoking. also for some reason my anxiety was shooting off too and i wanted to try and calm myself. it didnt work too well on either instance.
If you are still with me thus far and you have not pooped out or stopped reading my problems i want to thank you.
I love it out here on occasion. when i am involved, when there are actual other people involved in the daily world of Zypher and Jessica.
I miss my family so much it hurts. And i want to go back to them or at least find a happy medium. somewhere where i can take a weekend trip, not a week long trip. DO NOT get me wrong, a week long trip is AWESOME!!! I just miss them and need my batteries recharged sometimes.
Garrett and I WERE approved for the house and I find myself saying, DO I WANT THIS FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS? sigh, do i? ask me after church on sundays, after volunteering at the local thrift store on tuesday, some wednesdays when i get the oppertunity to go and sew with a group of older women, and after work on Friday, and most Saturdays. The answer is yes. After the interaction wears off, i dont want it anymore though...and i find myself back to wanting to be with my family. However, a place of my own!!! A place i can paint, have dogs, cats, rats whatever pet i want (not likely all of those really people be reasonable!) Also, there is education to consider in this...Garrett wants to stay here because he not only likes his class sizes, he likes that he can get the planetarium refurbished soon (if you want to donate to help defray the districts costs, contact him via email: garrett.nekuda@usd215.org) and work on his masters degree online: which only requires he go to the university for 2 weeks a summer to do tests and hands on work in a town that is only four hours from here, where we currently are. YES you can suggest that we sit and discuss this matter until you are blue in the face, and we will take it to heart, because we do discuss it. We do talk about where we want to be, and the answer is always the same...I HAVE NO CLUE!!! I dont even know what i want to do with my life anymore!! i have made some great friends and connections here! Love the people, and that the pool is open ALL YEAR!! :) But i miss being able to just go out with friends on a whim, not having to plan a week in advance to make sure my baby is taken care of. Now DO NOT mistake that part for me not wanting my baby, because i do. with every fiber of my being i do!!
I have found a program that will get me certified as a teaching aide in a very short amount of time and at a low cost, but i dont know if i want to even do that. I keep going back to it because it would be useful in a classroom setting if i ever go back to being a para or want to do something with teaching. It would be useful in getting my GPA up, which i could use. Im only worried that i will lose interest quickly like i do with so many other things these days. i could look for a daycare and ask for more hours at work but i like what i have. i do not like that Garrett is always working! whether at the pool or for the school, we dont get to spend time together any more. We spent two hours playing monopoly the other day with out z, but that was the most we have had in over a month. Its stupid because he asked for morning shifts and ends up with closing shifts GRRRRRRRRRRRR stupid teenagers with summer camps and family vacations and other things not job related but then still wanting a job.Its not just the work though, its technology. Garrett has a school issued iPad and i do NOT like it at all. when he is home for break or in the mornings or before bed HE IS ALWAYS ON IT! I try to talk to him but im just like theres no point because he is playing a game. Or the house is a mess because he spent the week i was on vacation with my family playing on his computer and iPad. he didnt even eat the food i told him to eat, and it either went bad or molded, or he ate food that was supposed to go in another dish and we couldnt have that dish after that. lets talk about things he didnt do more: like the dishes, still piled up high in the sink and around our tiny ass kitchen, collecting mold and not getting easier to clean. the litterbox, which really pissed me off because that can make my cat sick :( my poor furbaby.
things he did do; go to work, feed the cat, and oh my uniform which i didnt need that week... O.o
Garrett likes to play chase z around the floor, which is cool i like that he interacts with him more now, but I really cannot believe that z is 10 months old and Garrett CANNOT pack a diaper bag. im like really garrett? for real? and he is like when am i ever around to do this? my response was to scoff at him and say whose fault is *THAT* remembering that he brings in the lump sum of our money because i only work about 10 hours a week mostly being saturdays. I have written him NUMEROUS notes, he has seen me put the bag together. My thoughts on this are that he really just doesnt want to.
The hospital sent me a letter saying i was delinquent on my accounts because i hadnt paid in over 90 days. I have the receipts saying otherwise. When i physically went in and talked to the collections lady, she was like oh yea it sometimes does that and we dont catch it. I was like well im paid heres my proof you better fix it. and she said its on the computer saying you paid so just ignore the letter. my response, you need to work on that because i am so tired of getting these letters every other month. I pay you on the 10th when my husband gets paid and i have been over this with you three times. I do not like the way things are being dealt with. If i have paid i do not want to see a letter in my box that says urgent action required. And all the lady did was laugh and say yea, it just happens sorry. UGH!
Ok so my phone broke like literally would not charge anywhere in any port at all! So i ordered a new one after filing a claim with insurance and what not, and oh that cost 100 dollars. (twitter reference at end of this rant* THEN THE BED BREAKS!! THE COILS CAME UP AND SCRATCHED ME! we have had this bed for 5 years so its no surprise that this happened but WHY now?? So we just covered it with some old rags and some cardboard that will do absolutely nothing but *maybe* buy us another month? *crosses fingers*Today the freaking crib decides that it doesnt want to stay up! Yes, i know its illegal to have the sliding side cribs, but i cant afford a crib! I was in babys r us and wanted to get one but didnt think we could afford another credit card to pay off. I would slide it and lock it in place on one side but the other side wouldnt lock, so i just gave up! even turning the bed to he other side wont help, z is strong enough to kick the bed away from the wall. SallieMae decided the needed more money from me so instead of my payments being oh roughly 113, they are now 120 because my husband makes more money on the salary scale now that he is a more "experienced" teacher #moneyproblems
i was in IHOP with my family during my vacation (june 15 thro june 23) and actually had a break down i was bawling my eyes out in IHOP. I found that z was eating a lot more than usual and in more frequent bursts and they informed me he was going through a growth spurt. Yes, i get it he is going to grow, but that threw our schedule of 3 months off track! it also means spending more money each moth on food. They took us to walmart and bought him food for which i am thankful but i still fear that i wont ever have money for food for either us or z. NO WE DO NOT SPEND MONEY ON THINGS THAT ARE NOT NEEDED!
Z is a good swimmer! i have a video up on my facebook page Disclaimer you will have to dig for it and by dig i mean scroll: https://www.facebook.com/jes.nekuda edited its from july 2
Also, his first birthday is in a month! holy SHIT where is my baby? He is already a year old! excuse me while i cry in a corner and look at his baby pictures. His birthday party is set for August the 9th!!! I have about 60 of everything, even though no one is going to show up. i wanted to be prepared.
He did pretty good at the fireworks show. He watched the people set them off and then watched as they went up. he even clapped some. Halfway through the show he fell asleep. That was pretty cool to me, except i want paying attention i was too busy trying to roll the windows up and get away from the people smoking. also for some reason my anxiety was shooting off too and i wanted to try and calm myself. it didnt work too well on either instance.
If you are still with me thus far and you have not pooped out or stopped reading my problems i want to thank you.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
it is coming along
Here i am to say, we are sending in paperwork for a house. Zyphers doctor said he is underweight yet the nurse said that he was perfect...sigh.
We are getting ready to leave for a week :)
i sent out invites to Z's FIRST birthday party!! omg its like in august holy cow thats sooo close!
im going to go cry now.
or just watch frozen with z.
We are getting ready to leave for a week :)
i sent out invites to Z's FIRST birthday party!! omg its like in august holy cow thats sooo close!
im going to go cry now.
or just watch frozen with z.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
for real...
Time for the pool!! Outside in the sun, in the water, and lots of time with my lil guy and hubby...well when he isnt working at the pool himself. I decided that as i was wanting to swim myself, i would take zy into the big pool. BIG mistake!! Even though the baby pool is still to deep for z and there were a lot of small children and even kids as old as second grade in there, i wanted to do my own swimming! So into the big pool we went. When i first got in, one of the kids who recognized me came over and just splashed us both. i looked at him and was like really? that was not cool. I have my baby here with me and you splashed us. He looked at me like so whatever and swam away. UGH! where the friggen hell are the ADULTS!? the rule is if you are under 12 you HAVE to have an adult with you, but hey guess what? NOONE listens to the rule. It is the STUPIDEST SORRIEST EXCUSE FOR A POOL I HAVE EVER BEEN TO! the only times i am really happy there are when it is just me and z. and thats either at 11 A or 5 P when its lap swim. I hate that i have to seclude us like this, but i have no choice. the kids dont understand even the ones in the baby pool splash and where are the parents for them too? no you just sent them there with their older sibling? god i really hate this! its literally the worst idea ever to have it only be 1 dollar to get in and allow kids to come by themselves without adults. I take that back, even if there are adults there, they are either worse than the kids, or sitting on their asses doing absolutely nothing.
I really want to just scream! i mean seriously, WHY do i even bother? Garrett and i came up with a plan that was supposed to help me not be so busy and tired all the time, and HE ISNT HOLDING UP HIS END!!! I am the one who is doing it all! I am seriously pissed! i mean for reals! He spent ALL morning playing games on the computer instead of doing things like the dishes. granted i watched a few episodes of dr who instead of doing the dishes or other things as well, but im not the one who has to go in to work from 12 to 930. which will "make me tired and just want to sleep" WELL WELCOME TO MY WORLD. No, you cant sleep. I dont get to, so you dont get to.
Lets talk about how shitty my landlord is...i told her there was a leak in the pipe under the sink and it makes it difficult to do dishes without getting flooded and moldy...and nothing. hasnt done a thing. the dead tree in the yard that was supposed to be taken care of last spring, still there. the gutters that fell during the 2012 ice/snow storm right after christmas...still not fixed or put back. glass window shattered on the door to the backyard two weeks after we moved in...still not fixed. but hey the sagging car port that we never use is fixed. thanks a lot!
I really want to just scream! i mean seriously, WHY do i even bother? Garrett and i came up with a plan that was supposed to help me not be so busy and tired all the time, and HE ISNT HOLDING UP HIS END!!! I am the one who is doing it all! I am seriously pissed! i mean for reals! He spent ALL morning playing games on the computer instead of doing things like the dishes. granted i watched a few episodes of dr who instead of doing the dishes or other things as well, but im not the one who has to go in to work from 12 to 930. which will "make me tired and just want to sleep" WELL WELCOME TO MY WORLD. No, you cant sleep. I dont get to, so you dont get to.
Lets talk about how shitty my landlord is...i told her there was a leak in the pipe under the sink and it makes it difficult to do dishes without getting flooded and moldy...and nothing. hasnt done a thing. the dead tree in the yard that was supposed to be taken care of last spring, still there. the gutters that fell during the 2012 ice/snow storm right after christmas...still not fixed or put back. glass window shattered on the door to the backyard two weeks after we moved in...still not fixed. but hey the sagging car port that we never use is fixed. thanks a lot!
Thursday, May 22, 2014
A lot on my mind
Today i have a lot on my mind.
Money, friends, relationships, and boy oh boy, my little one!!
First off, lets talk money! Money always seems to disappear! No, we are by no means living beyond our means...we dont even go out to eat, or do anything special. In fact most of the time, we sit in a chair or the bed and read books we got from the library... so it is not a matter of frugal spending. Our problem is, bills. They all come out on one day or a few days after. I know we did that on purpose because we wanted to be able to use Garretts pay check for it all so no biggie. ONce and a while though, i see people up and taking a trip to a far away place to them just because they can and i sigh and think, "that would be so nice" except we do not have the abilty to do so. I knew being a stay at home mom living off of my husbands income was going to be tough though, so its ok. I work on fridays and saturdays to give us an extra push so we dont go under, and sometimes, we still do!! There are not a lot of places to rent that will allow pets though, and that is where we are heading into a problem. the place we are in has no counter space, no storage and the landlords are not keeping up with the upkeep-such as the leak under the sink in the kitchen that i told them about a month a go. Do i want to take legal action and make them do their jobs, no. Why you ask? because the landlord is a judge. Plus they want to retire and sell the house to us anyways, but we arent interested in staying. We have been looking at houses to buy, but EVERYTHING is out of our price range. I saw a place last night that was more in our range, but it didnt have a basement or a safe zone for weather related things. I am not okay with that.
That subject depresses me, so lets talk about more stuff. friends. I miss a lot of my friends. Some are getting married, some having kids, and a lot of them buying houses and cars. I feel as though i am missing out on things like this! We live four hours away from family and most of our good friends, so its hard to just go for a weekend visit. Speaking of friends, i am going to touch on a very sad and tender subject, death. A friend of ours just died in a head on collision. I didnt know him as well as i would have liked to have, but Garrett did and we both enjoyed his company. I didnt find out through a text or a phone call, but rather, on facebook, so i thought at first it was just a joke, and then i started seeing his picture pop up more and more in my feed, so i went to his page and scrolled through and found the news. He will be missed.
Living out in this small town has its perks. There are rodeos, and people know people and i have even learned to dish out directions based on north south east west, not by street! huge accomplishment there for me, a big city gal.
Relationships. My relationship with garrett has be strained lately. We have not really been seeing eye to eye on things that really matter. it seems like everytime i ask for him to do something he gets upset. Such as a fight we had last night, which he probably wouldnt like the world knowing about but hey, its me. So here goes. The house i went to view, he was supposed to come with me. I even waited until after we ate, changed and fed zy AND zy had a nap so that we could have our wits about us. BUt what happens? Garrett falls asleep, in the middle of watching zy, in the middle of the floor of zy's room! Sigh. As i was picking up and changing Z, i hit garretts leg which jostled him awake, good now he is up and we can go, no he fell back asleep. RAWR im mad! we are supposed to be doing this together! why does it feel like im going it alone? I put z in the car in his carseat and turn on the a/c. I wait until it is cooled off before i decide i am going to go see if garrett is actually coming. He is still on the floor in zy's room. I yell out that im leaving and he better be ready, but he says he is too tired. So whatever i go on my own. I did like the house but as mentioned above, no safe area. I get back and I am livid! Z needs a nap so i put him down in the crib and i meander out into the living room to begin picking up our toys from when we played. GArrett comes out and huffy asks why im mad. I ask him in return why he is mad. he is mad because i kicked him and i yelled at him. Wow. ok. Well i give it about an hour and then i go back into the bedroom and i explain to him just why im mad. He didnt come with us to see a potential living quarters, he was watching z while i was getting ready and fell asleep while z was playing with potentially harmful things such as the crib part that allows it to slide up and down (yes we have an ancient crib in our place but it keeps z safe at night) and my thoughts were if he fell and hit his head or some other part, garrett wouldnt have gottne to him because he is asleep. I am also mad because he just fell asleep. Im tired too, dammit so why does he get to sleep and not me? oh yea because im the mom who takes care of z, the laundry, the dishes, the cooking and the cleaning because he is tired and when he tries to help he hurts. He has been slacking a lot and i am trying to pick up the slack but it wears me thin. Either he helps or i go tired and no naps for me, or we have a stinky, smelly house where there are no dishes and no laundry. Excuse my ranting. This was never really resolved because hey he fell asleep again. Rolls eyes. I am not perfect and i do not pretend to be. but when z was born i told him i would require help around the house. and things are just not getting done. I try but a lot of the times i want to sleep too and end up sleeping.
Z is crawling like crazy and i couldnt be more happy about it. it allows for more fun adventures like the one we took today!! See his blog for more information! http://zysweetprince.blogspot.com/
Money, friends, relationships, and boy oh boy, my little one!!
First off, lets talk money! Money always seems to disappear! No, we are by no means living beyond our means...we dont even go out to eat, or do anything special. In fact most of the time, we sit in a chair or the bed and read books we got from the library... so it is not a matter of frugal spending. Our problem is, bills. They all come out on one day or a few days after. I know we did that on purpose because we wanted to be able to use Garretts pay check for it all so no biggie. ONce and a while though, i see people up and taking a trip to a far away place to them just because they can and i sigh and think, "that would be so nice" except we do not have the abilty to do so. I knew being a stay at home mom living off of my husbands income was going to be tough though, so its ok. I work on fridays and saturdays to give us an extra push so we dont go under, and sometimes, we still do!! There are not a lot of places to rent that will allow pets though, and that is where we are heading into a problem. the place we are in has no counter space, no storage and the landlords are not keeping up with the upkeep-such as the leak under the sink in the kitchen that i told them about a month a go. Do i want to take legal action and make them do their jobs, no. Why you ask? because the landlord is a judge. Plus they want to retire and sell the house to us anyways, but we arent interested in staying. We have been looking at houses to buy, but EVERYTHING is out of our price range. I saw a place last night that was more in our range, but it didnt have a basement or a safe zone for weather related things. I am not okay with that.
That subject depresses me, so lets talk about more stuff. friends. I miss a lot of my friends. Some are getting married, some having kids, and a lot of them buying houses and cars. I feel as though i am missing out on things like this! We live four hours away from family and most of our good friends, so its hard to just go for a weekend visit. Speaking of friends, i am going to touch on a very sad and tender subject, death. A friend of ours just died in a head on collision. I didnt know him as well as i would have liked to have, but Garrett did and we both enjoyed his company. I didnt find out through a text or a phone call, but rather, on facebook, so i thought at first it was just a joke, and then i started seeing his picture pop up more and more in my feed, so i went to his page and scrolled through and found the news. He will be missed.
Living out in this small town has its perks. There are rodeos, and people know people and i have even learned to dish out directions based on north south east west, not by street! huge accomplishment there for me, a big city gal.
Relationships. My relationship with garrett has be strained lately. We have not really been seeing eye to eye on things that really matter. it seems like everytime i ask for him to do something he gets upset. Such as a fight we had last night, which he probably wouldnt like the world knowing about but hey, its me. So here goes. The house i went to view, he was supposed to come with me. I even waited until after we ate, changed and fed zy AND zy had a nap so that we could have our wits about us. BUt what happens? Garrett falls asleep, in the middle of watching zy, in the middle of the floor of zy's room! Sigh. As i was picking up and changing Z, i hit garretts leg which jostled him awake, good now he is up and we can go, no he fell back asleep. RAWR im mad! we are supposed to be doing this together! why does it feel like im going it alone? I put z in the car in his carseat and turn on the a/c. I wait until it is cooled off before i decide i am going to go see if garrett is actually coming. He is still on the floor in zy's room. I yell out that im leaving and he better be ready, but he says he is too tired. So whatever i go on my own. I did like the house but as mentioned above, no safe area. I get back and I am livid! Z needs a nap so i put him down in the crib and i meander out into the living room to begin picking up our toys from when we played. GArrett comes out and huffy asks why im mad. I ask him in return why he is mad. he is mad because i kicked him and i yelled at him. Wow. ok. Well i give it about an hour and then i go back into the bedroom and i explain to him just why im mad. He didnt come with us to see a potential living quarters, he was watching z while i was getting ready and fell asleep while z was playing with potentially harmful things such as the crib part that allows it to slide up and down (yes we have an ancient crib in our place but it keeps z safe at night) and my thoughts were if he fell and hit his head or some other part, garrett wouldnt have gottne to him because he is asleep. I am also mad because he just fell asleep. Im tired too, dammit so why does he get to sleep and not me? oh yea because im the mom who takes care of z, the laundry, the dishes, the cooking and the cleaning because he is tired and when he tries to help he hurts. He has been slacking a lot and i am trying to pick up the slack but it wears me thin. Either he helps or i go tired and no naps for me, or we have a stinky, smelly house where there are no dishes and no laundry. Excuse my ranting. This was never really resolved because hey he fell asleep again. Rolls eyes. I am not perfect and i do not pretend to be. but when z was born i told him i would require help around the house. and things are just not getting done. I try but a lot of the times i want to sleep too and end up sleeping.
Z is crawling like crazy and i couldnt be more happy about it. it allows for more fun adventures like the one we took today!! See his blog for more information! http://zysweetprince.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
THE HELL?
So some of you may read my facebook statuses and know what is going on but i need this release.
Z and i spent yesterday morning at the Budget Shop volunteering. We sorted winter clothes from summer clothes and folded them and put them out accordingly. In one of the wallets i was looking at i found 45 dollars! I put it in my pocket, and thanked the Lord for how awesome He is.
Z started getting sleepy so i (having been there an hour and a half) left. Checked mail nothing interesting there, then went off to GArden City to do some shopping for us. We ate lunch at Subway, we both love subway. I knew it was going to be a good day when i heard Billy Ray on the Radio in Subway.
THen we went to Salvation ARmy where we got a few new shirts for z and one for our friend, Caleb who will be 1 soon!!!
After that we went to goodwill. We had SO much fun there!
We loved the batman outfit we found!! and loved the hanger even more. I tried to get z to play with a different toy but he kept going back to the hanger.
As i went to check out, I decided to not get some of the outfits that we had so i put them aside. I gave the guy the money and he was taking things off the hangers and i asked, "I dont suppose there is a chance i could keep that on the hanger?" He responds "No because its on loan from our corporate office in Wichita." I said "Oh," then proceeded to take the hanger from Zypher and i explained to him that he cant keep it because it wasnt his. Which to an 8.5 month old doesnt really mean anything. He started screaming and fussing i even tried giving him other toys to play with that normally work when he is fussy. I look at the associate again and ask for the hanger. to which he responds by calling his manager. WHen she arrived Zypher was still crying despite my attempts to soothe him. When she asked what the problem was, the kid and i say kid because he looked like he was 10 years old., said i was being disruptive. I looked at her and said, "I just wanted to know if there was a way that i could keep the hanger. My son loves them right now and i think it would be a good way to keep the bat shirt and cape from getting wrinkled" She said the same thing the kid did, " Its not ours to keep. they are on loan from the corporate office. im going to have to ask you to leave and not come back because you are disrupting the store." and she turned on heel and left. So i took my screaming hangerless child out of goodwill and decided im not going back to that store.
He was still crying when i got to the dollar store, to which the ladies there who havent seen him in about three months, were coddling him and holding him and said he could have any hanger he wanted even took us to a huge pile of discards that are left at the counter when people leave.
Thats all he needed. he was happy as could be. He was laughing and clapping and even talking once he got a hanger.
Is it so hard to just let us have what we want?
I did email the corporate office and let them know i was unsatisfied with how things were handled. Im waiting to hear back from them on that. Maybe i was in the wrong for asking to keep a hanger, who knows? either way, im not happy with the way things turned out. and it was such a good morning too!
Z and i spent yesterday morning at the Budget Shop volunteering. We sorted winter clothes from summer clothes and folded them and put them out accordingly. In one of the wallets i was looking at i found 45 dollars! I put it in my pocket, and thanked the Lord for how awesome He is.
Z started getting sleepy so i (having been there an hour and a half) left. Checked mail nothing interesting there, then went off to GArden City to do some shopping for us. We ate lunch at Subway, we both love subway. I knew it was going to be a good day when i heard Billy Ray on the Radio in Subway.
THen we went to Salvation ARmy where we got a few new shirts for z and one for our friend, Caleb who will be 1 soon!!!
After that we went to goodwill. We had SO much fun there!
We loved the batman outfit we found!! and loved the hanger even more. I tried to get z to play with a different toy but he kept going back to the hanger.
As i went to check out, I decided to not get some of the outfits that we had so i put them aside. I gave the guy the money and he was taking things off the hangers and i asked, "I dont suppose there is a chance i could keep that on the hanger?" He responds "No because its on loan from our corporate office in Wichita." I said "Oh," then proceeded to take the hanger from Zypher and i explained to him that he cant keep it because it wasnt his. Which to an 8.5 month old doesnt really mean anything. He started screaming and fussing i even tried giving him other toys to play with that normally work when he is fussy. I look at the associate again and ask for the hanger. to which he responds by calling his manager. WHen she arrived Zypher was still crying despite my attempts to soothe him. When she asked what the problem was, the kid and i say kid because he looked like he was 10 years old., said i was being disruptive. I looked at her and said, "I just wanted to know if there was a way that i could keep the hanger. My son loves them right now and i think it would be a good way to keep the bat shirt and cape from getting wrinkled" She said the same thing the kid did, " Its not ours to keep. they are on loan from the corporate office. im going to have to ask you to leave and not come back because you are disrupting the store." and she turned on heel and left. So i took my screaming hangerless child out of goodwill and decided im not going back to that store.
He was still crying when i got to the dollar store, to which the ladies there who havent seen him in about three months, were coddling him and holding him and said he could have any hanger he wanted even took us to a huge pile of discards that are left at the counter when people leave.
Thats all he needed. he was happy as could be. He was laughing and clapping and even talking once he got a hanger.
Is it so hard to just let us have what we want?
I did email the corporate office and let them know i was unsatisfied with how things were handled. Im waiting to hear back from them on that. Maybe i was in the wrong for asking to keep a hanger, who knows? either way, im not happy with the way things turned out. and it was such a good morning too!
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