Heres the down dirty nitty gritty. Ignore the jumping of train of thoughts back and forth between it all i am VERY close to having a *friend* over to visit (hint). Also i just have a lot i want to say and i WILL try to organize it...no promises though
I love it out here on occasion. when i am involved, when there are actual other people involved in the daily world of Zypher and Jessica.
I miss my family so much it hurts. And i want to go back to them or at least find a happy medium. somewhere where i can take a weekend trip, not a week long trip. DO NOT get me wrong, a week long trip is AWESOME!!! I just miss them and need my batteries recharged sometimes.
Garrett and I WERE approved for the house and I find myself saying, DO I WANT THIS FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS? sigh, do i? ask me after church on sundays, after volunteering at the local thrift store on tuesday, some wednesdays when i get the oppertunity to go and sew with a group of older women, and after work on Friday, and most Saturdays. The answer is yes. After the interaction wears off, i dont want it anymore though...and i find myself back to wanting to be with my family. However, a place of my own!!! A place i can paint, have dogs, cats, rats whatever pet i want (not likely all of those really people be reasonable!) Also, there is education to consider in this...Garrett wants to stay here because he not only likes his class sizes, he likes that he can get the planetarium refurbished soon (if you want to donate to help defray the districts costs, contact him via email: garrett.nekuda@usd215.org) and work on his masters degree online: which only requires he go to the university for 2 weeks a summer to do tests and hands on work in a town that is only four hours from here, where we currently are. YES you can suggest that we sit and discuss this matter until you are blue in the face, and we will take it to heart, because we do discuss it. We do talk about where we want to be, and the answer is always the same...I HAVE NO CLUE!!! I dont even know what i want to do with my life anymore!! i have made some great friends and connections here! Love the people, and that the pool is open ALL YEAR!! :) But i miss being able to just go out with friends on a whim, not having to plan a week in advance to make sure my baby is taken care of. Now DO NOT mistake that part for me not wanting my baby, because i do. with every fiber of my being i do!!
I have found a program that will get me certified as a teaching aide in a very short amount of time and at a low cost, but i dont know if i want to even do that. I keep going back to it because it would be useful in a classroom setting if i ever go back to being a para or want to do something with teaching. It would be useful in getting my GPA up, which i could use. Im only worried that i will lose interest quickly like i do with so many other things these days. i could look for a daycare and ask for more hours at work but i like what i have. i do not like that Garrett is always working! whether at the pool or for the school, we dont get to spend time together any more. We spent two hours playing monopoly the other day with out z, but that was the most we have had in over a month. Its stupid because he asked for morning shifts and ends up with closing shifts GRRRRRRRRRRRR stupid teenagers with summer camps and family vacations and other things not job related but then still wanting a job.Its not just the work though, its technology. Garrett has a school issued iPad and i do NOT like it at all. when he is home for break or in the mornings or before bed HE IS ALWAYS ON IT! I try to talk to him but im just like theres no point because he is playing a game. Or the house is a mess because he spent the week i was on vacation with my family playing on his computer and iPad. he didnt even eat the food i told him to eat, and it either went bad or molded, or he ate food that was supposed to go in another dish and we couldnt have that dish after that. lets talk about things he didnt do more: like the dishes, still piled up high in the sink and around our tiny ass kitchen, collecting mold and not getting easier to clean. the litterbox, which really pissed me off because that can make my cat sick :( my poor furbaby.
things he did do; go to work, feed the cat, and oh my uniform which i didnt need that week... O.o
Garrett likes to play chase z around the floor, which is cool i like that he interacts with him more now, but I really cannot believe that z is 10 months old and Garrett CANNOT pack a diaper bag. im like really garrett? for real? and he is like when am i ever around to do this? my response was to scoff at him and say whose fault is *THAT* remembering that he brings in the lump sum of our money because i only work about 10 hours a week mostly being saturdays. I have written him NUMEROUS notes, he has seen me put the bag together. My thoughts on this are that he really just doesnt want to.
The hospital sent me a letter saying i was delinquent on my accounts because i hadnt paid in over 90 days. I have the receipts saying otherwise. When i physically went in and talked to the collections lady, she was like oh yea it sometimes does that and we dont catch it. I was like well im paid heres my proof you better fix it. and she said its on the computer saying you paid so just ignore the letter. my response, you need to work on that because i am so tired of getting these letters every other month. I pay you on the 10th when my husband gets paid and i have been over this with you three times. I do not like the way things are being dealt with. If i have paid i do not want to see a letter in my box that says urgent action required. And all the lady did was laugh and say yea, it just happens sorry. UGH!
Ok so my phone broke like literally would not charge anywhere in any port at all! So i ordered a new one after filing a claim with insurance and what not, and oh that cost 100 dollars. (twitter reference at end of this rant* THEN THE BED BREAKS!! THE COILS CAME UP AND SCRATCHED ME! we have had this bed for 5 years so its no surprise that this happened but WHY now?? So we just covered it with some old rags and some cardboard that will do absolutely nothing but *maybe* buy us another month? *crosses fingers*Today the freaking crib decides that it doesnt want to stay up! Yes, i know its illegal to have the sliding side cribs, but i cant afford a crib! I was in babys r us and wanted to get one but didnt think we could afford another credit card to pay off. I would slide it and lock it in place on one side but the other side wouldnt lock, so i just gave up! even turning the bed to he other side wont help, z is strong enough to kick the bed away from the wall. SallieMae decided the needed more money from me so instead of my payments being oh roughly 113, they are now 120 because my husband makes more money on the salary scale now that he is a more "experienced" teacher #moneyproblems
i was in IHOP with my family during my vacation (june 15 thro june 23) and actually had a break down i was bawling my eyes out in IHOP. I found that z was eating a lot more than usual and in more frequent bursts and they informed me he was going through a growth spurt. Yes, i get it he is going to grow, but that threw our schedule of 3 months off track! it also means spending more money each moth on food. They took us to walmart and bought him food for which i am thankful but i still fear that i wont ever have money for food for either us or z. NO WE DO NOT SPEND MONEY ON THINGS THAT ARE NOT NEEDED!
Z is a good swimmer! i have a video up on my facebook page Disclaimer you will have to dig for it and by dig i mean scroll: https://www.facebook.com/jes.nekuda edited its from july 2
Also, his first birthday is in a month! holy SHIT where is my baby? He is already a year old! excuse me while i cry in a corner and look at his baby pictures. His birthday party is set for August the 9th!!! I have about 60 of everything, even though no one is going to show up. i wanted to be prepared.
He did pretty good at the fireworks show. He watched the people set them off and then watched as they went up. he even clapped some. Halfway through the show he fell asleep. That was pretty cool to me, except i want paying attention i was too busy trying to roll the windows up and get away from the people smoking. also for some reason my anxiety was shooting off too and i wanted to try and calm myself. it didnt work too well on either instance.
If you are still with me thus far and you have not pooped out or stopped reading my problems i want to thank you.
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