A lot on my mind

Today i have a lot on my mind.
Money, friends, relationships, and boy oh boy, my little one!!
First off, lets talk money! Money always seems to disappear! No, we are by no means living beyond our means...we dont even go out to eat, or do anything special. In fact most of the time, we sit in a chair or the bed and read books we got from the library... so it is not a matter of frugal spending.  Our problem is, bills. They all come out on one day or a few days after. I know we did that on purpose because we wanted to be able to use Garretts pay check for it all so no biggie.  ONce and a while though, i see people up and taking a trip to a far away place to them just because they can and i sigh and think, "that would be so nice" except we do not have the abilty to do so.  I knew being a stay at home mom living off of my husbands income was going to be tough though, so its ok.  I work on fridays and saturdays to give us an extra push so we dont go under, and sometimes, we still do!!   There are not a lot of places to rent that will allow pets though, and that is where we are heading into a problem.  the place we are in has no counter space, no storage and the landlords are not keeping up with the upkeep-such as the leak under the sink in the kitchen that i told them about a month a go.  Do i want to take legal action and make them do their jobs, no.  Why you ask? because the landlord is a judge.  Plus they want to retire and sell the house to us anyways, but we arent interested in staying.  We have been looking at houses to buy, but EVERYTHING is out of our price range.  I saw a place last night that was more in our range, but it didnt have a basement or a safe zone for weather related things.  I am not okay with that.
That subject depresses me, so lets talk about more stuff.  friends.  I miss a lot of my friends.  Some are getting married, some having kids, and a lot of them buying houses and cars.  I feel as though i am missing out on things like this! We live four hours away from family and most of our good friends, so its hard to just go for a weekend visit.  Speaking of friends, i am going to touch on a very sad and tender subject, death.  A friend of ours just died in a head on collision.  I didnt know him as well as i would have liked to have, but Garrett did and we both enjoyed his company.  I didnt find out through a text or a phone call, but rather, on facebook, so i thought at first it was just a joke, and then i started seeing his picture pop up more and more in my feed, so i went to his page and scrolled through and found the news.  He will be missed.
Living out in this small town has its perks.  There are rodeos, and people know people and i have even learned to dish out directions based on north south east west, not by street!  huge accomplishment there for me, a big city gal.
Relationships.  My relationship with garrett has be strained lately.  We have not really been seeing eye to eye on things that really matter. it seems like everytime i ask for him to do something he gets upset. Such as a fight we had last night, which he probably wouldnt like the world knowing about but hey, its me. So here goes.  The house i went to view, he was supposed to come with me.  I even waited until after we ate, changed and fed zy AND zy had a nap so that we could have our wits about us.  BUt what happens? Garrett falls asleep, in the middle of watching zy, in the middle of the floor of zy's room!  Sigh.  As i was picking up and changing Z, i hit garretts leg which jostled him awake, good now he is up and we can go, no he fell back asleep. RAWR im mad! we are supposed to be doing this together! why does it feel like im going it alone? I put z in the car in his carseat and turn on the a/c.  I wait until it is cooled off before i decide i am going to go see if garrett is actually coming.  He is still on the floor in zy's room.  I yell out that im leaving and he better be ready, but he says he is too tired.  So whatever i go on my own.  I did like the house but as mentioned above, no safe area.  I get back and I am livid! Z needs a nap so i put him down in the crib and i meander out into the living room to begin picking up our toys from when we played.  GArrett comes out and huffy asks why im mad.  I ask him in return why he is mad.  he is mad because i kicked him and i yelled at him.  Wow. ok.  Well i give it about an hour and then i go back into the bedroom and i explain to him just why im mad.  He didnt come with us to see a potential living quarters, he was watching z while i was getting ready and fell asleep while z was playing with potentially harmful things such as the crib part that allows it to slide up and down (yes we have an ancient crib in our place but it keeps z safe at night) and my thoughts were  if he fell and hit his head or some other part, garrett wouldnt have gottne to him because he is asleep.  I am also mad because he just fell asleep.  Im tired too, dammit so why does he get to sleep and not me?  oh yea because im the mom who takes care of z, the laundry, the dishes, the cooking and the cleaning because he is tired and when he tries to help he hurts.  He has been slacking a lot and i am trying to pick up the slack but it wears me thin.  Either he helps or i go tired and no naps for me, or we have a stinky, smelly house where there are no dishes and no laundry.  Excuse my ranting.  This was never really resolved because hey he fell asleep again.  Rolls eyes.  I am not perfect and i do not pretend to be. but when z was born i told him i would require help around the house.  and things are just not getting done.  I try but a lot of the times i want to sleep too and end up sleeping.
Z is crawling like crazy and i couldnt be more happy about it.  it allows for more fun adventures like the one we took today!! See his blog for more information! http://zysweetprince.blogspot.com/