I love my husband, at times. I love my son. I love me most days.
The other day, i came home from work sick. like so sick unable to breathe, walk, or stand up even. THis happened to be a night Garrett was doing extra duties (being a back to school dance coordinator) so i was watching Zypher and feeling like shit. I called in work and asked for the next day off which i got but i had to in turn work a shift for her (fair yes but when would i get over this dang sickness)
Saturday: I was able to breath out of one nostril. i could stand but it hurt to cough and i got dizzy so quickly. I wanted to sit and read and veg out...but NOPE i have a kid and a even bigger kid. Garrett did nothing but sit on his ass and play vidoe games while i took care of zypher and him and not myself. WHY the HELL do i get to do all this and not you?
Garrett wanted sex. he is such a man. I dont like to be in confrontation but i couldnt breathe so why would i do that? so no sex which is okay because i am not sure i could handle sex mentally.
Sunday came and i knew was feeling better but not up to par, yet i went in and did my three hours for my boss. I was having feverish flashes. I made the best of it. Monday was horrible. I went to work for the girl and that was truck day. I wanted to shoot my manager for ordering so much shit. We didnt even need all of what we had ordered! It is probably going to go to waste :(
That night garrett wanted sex, again. Iam feeling better, but im not in the mood. I also do not like when garrett gets all macho and expects me to do what HE wants to do. it ruins what small mood i have. So when he gets all worked up and i am still trying to act like i like it, i feel empty. I feel so horrible for doing that.
Tuesday he pissed me off even more because he had a dentist at 4 and a coach meeting at 7. I had a mental health meeting at 5. I went to Hastings to get him and he said i could pick 6 books and close my eyes and he would pick one of those and put the others back...but he ended up picking out one without me picking my books...he said its a surprise so i dont even know if i will like it or not. We ate at subway and the person doing the order is a terrible terrible sandwhich maker. I said my sandwich, cheese, and that i want it toasted. he was like okay what cheese toasted or heated? UGH listne the FIRST DAMN time!!
RAWR!!!
Zypher needed changed but oh we have to go because they dont like it when we are late to meetings. Seriously garrett?! we left at 640. the high school was maybe 5 mins away from us. So Z set in a dirty diaper prolonged because someone needed to get to his meeting, which we were the only ones at this early i need to point out. So im so pissed! It would have taken maybe five minutes!!! UGH!!!
we have so much to talk about i dont know where to start. I plan on going home for a week so i can spend it with my family and Garrett is all what about me? who is going to make my lunch and dinner? Rolling my eyes i said you stupid. Seriously you are such a baby!
After my talk with my therapist, I know that i need this trip home more than i need alone time...which i have had NONE of!! I am still sick my throat hurts my head hurts and i cough more and more and it hurts too.
By the way, I hate that I cant just sit and relax. Zypher is there or Garrett is there with a question about zypher. Why doesnt he know this by now? zypher is one dammit! geez.
Wednesday (today) i work and it hurts. i am exhausted physically mentally emotionally. I just want to sit down and cry and get better but i cant. I just cant because GArrett wont do anything and when i ask him to he gets pissy about it.
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