I am on my way to getting things done for comicon this weekend where I will meet my favorite actor!! John Wesley Shipp!
I will also meet the VA of Artemis while i am cosplaying Luna.
Monday, March 25, 2019
Is this happening!?
I love the series If popular sodas were people, and i decided to cosplay Sprite!! I have dyed the hat green, gotten blue ribbon, and a dress pattern :D
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Feelings
What do you do when you have feelings? Are you like me and bottle them up inside of you until they are bursting at the seams to get out? What happens when they do get out? Is there a metaphorical river running through you in the form of searing hot tears and anger and sadness? Yes. Me. All the time. Actually no, not all the time. Just recently it seems.
I take an antidepressant. I know, weird that such a happy-go-lucky person as myself would need it. Well, I do. I didn't know that I did until I was pregnant though (age 23). I was always in therapy though to learn how to communicate and express my feelings. It is not easy for me to do this. I am best when I am writing, it is when I truly shine. Which is partly why I started this blog. Some place where I could come and talk about what I want. What I need. What I feel. Me. Me. Me.
That being said, I am hurting. I see my friends around me these days, getting married, having kid number two or three, buying houses. Meanwhile, I have nothing. I live in my old room in my old house in my old town. I live there because I cannot afford to live on my own. I have two jobs because I can't support myself otherwise. But I also cannot support my son either. I do not like the way I look. I have been trying to change that by getting up and going to the gym more. However, as of late, I have no desire to. No drive to get up in the mornings and go. (I did today though! I took a long hot shower and sat in the massage chair to relax). I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be the one person that has no love life. I put myself out there several times and it always comes back to bite me in the ass. This person doesn't want kids, well i have a kid so sorry. Another doesn't want a relationship, but i do. So I have come tot he conclusion that maybe i am just not meant to have a love life. I will remain alone, which is okay for now, but not really.
I love my kid to the end of the world and back. I know that he is smart. He knows that he is smart. My kid just loves to learn, kind of like me. He, however, does not really know when to turn it off. And that is part of him, I know, but it has been annoying to me lately. And maybe, as a normal person, I do not know how to respond and/or react to him being the autistic kiddo that he is. We are working on it together. I have been reminding him of hula hoops and how every person has a hula hoop around them called a boundary or personal space. He is doing better with that, but still struggles. His loudness has no filter. It is always set at one level: loud! The annoying thing to me that I should have started off with I guess, is that he knows so much stuff about so many different things and I really don't care. Mom did you know, mom did you know, did you know, did you know, hey try this, do this, this is because... and on and on and on! I am really thinking that there is no off button. Even at bedtime he would rather me make up a story about something he learned that day than hear a bedtime story. I know your IQ is 125 and that is higher than the normal person's IQ, but you have to stop and smell the roses sometimes. I don't really care about black holes and science experiments dude. I should not complain though because he is who he is and that is not going to change. It is just something that has been bothering me that I needed to let go of.
Sorry if this was dragging on and long. I promise that soon it will not be so hard for me to post such emotional things. I just need to get out of my head and back into my own routine. Do not fear my awesome friends, I am working on cosplays and writing more in my book. With any luck, maybe I may achieve my goal to be published :D
I take an antidepressant. I know, weird that such a happy-go-lucky person as myself would need it. Well, I do. I didn't know that I did until I was pregnant though (age 23). I was always in therapy though to learn how to communicate and express my feelings. It is not easy for me to do this. I am best when I am writing, it is when I truly shine. Which is partly why I started this blog. Some place where I could come and talk about what I want. What I need. What I feel. Me. Me. Me.
That being said, I am hurting. I see my friends around me these days, getting married, having kid number two or three, buying houses. Meanwhile, I have nothing. I live in my old room in my old house in my old town. I live there because I cannot afford to live on my own. I have two jobs because I can't support myself otherwise. But I also cannot support my son either. I do not like the way I look. I have been trying to change that by getting up and going to the gym more. However, as of late, I have no desire to. No drive to get up in the mornings and go. (I did today though! I took a long hot shower and sat in the massage chair to relax). I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be the one person that has no love life. I put myself out there several times and it always comes back to bite me in the ass. This person doesn't want kids, well i have a kid so sorry. Another doesn't want a relationship, but i do. So I have come tot he conclusion that maybe i am just not meant to have a love life. I will remain alone, which is okay for now, but not really.
I love my kid to the end of the world and back. I know that he is smart. He knows that he is smart. My kid just loves to learn, kind of like me. He, however, does not really know when to turn it off. And that is part of him, I know, but it has been annoying to me lately. And maybe, as a normal person, I do not know how to respond and/or react to him being the autistic kiddo that he is. We are working on it together. I have been reminding him of hula hoops and how every person has a hula hoop around them called a boundary or personal space. He is doing better with that, but still struggles. His loudness has no filter. It is always set at one level: loud! The annoying thing to me that I should have started off with I guess, is that he knows so much stuff about so many different things and I really don't care. Mom did you know, mom did you know, did you know, did you know, hey try this, do this, this is because... and on and on and on! I am really thinking that there is no off button. Even at bedtime he would rather me make up a story about something he learned that day than hear a bedtime story. I know your IQ is 125 and that is higher than the normal person's IQ, but you have to stop and smell the roses sometimes. I don't really care about black holes and science experiments dude. I should not complain though because he is who he is and that is not going to change. It is just something that has been bothering me that I needed to let go of.
Sorry if this was dragging on and long. I promise that soon it will not be so hard for me to post such emotional things. I just need to get out of my head and back into my own routine. Do not fear my awesome friends, I am working on cosplays and writing more in my book. With any luck, maybe I may achieve my goal to be published :D
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
Lots of things
So many things have happened lately! I need to let you all in on a few things.
Spring Break. I worked at the ice cream store pretty much all week. Hours equal hours though!
It was alright overall though. Our waffle cone iron died, we ran out of rocky road ice cream, and people were sad and upset. People were also upset that we don't offer free water. We have bottles of water that are available to be bought for a dollar, but not like a cup we can give out to you...
Okay so I will spill the beans and let you know that I did end up sleeping with (read as: had sex with) the guy that I was seeing. We weren't planning on it. It happened. It was great.
We are good friends and we see each other a lot especially with the wedding coming up. He is the best man and I am a bridesmaid so we get to help out with 'lil details. I hope to goodness that doesn't detour your reading. I mean, I like the guy and he has said that he likes me but isn't ready to be in a relationship so just hanging out as friends will have to be enough, and for now it is.
Well as far as spring break goes, it wasn't too bad. My son wanted to be the statue of liberty and so I spent an entire evening making him a crown out of paper plates and construction paper and paint. It turned out nicely!! He turned his dinosaur tail inside out so the scales did not show, and he was so happy!!
Okay in one week I will be going to comicon!! I am SOOO excited to meet my hero, John Wesley Shipp, the original Flash *in my eyes* and then on top of it i get to show off my awesome skills at makin costumes, especially with what I already have in my closet!! :D
Well this is about all i have to say
Spring Break. I worked at the ice cream store pretty much all week. Hours equal hours though!
It was alright overall though. Our waffle cone iron died, we ran out of rocky road ice cream, and people were sad and upset. People were also upset that we don't offer free water. We have bottles of water that are available to be bought for a dollar, but not like a cup we can give out to you...
Okay so I will spill the beans and let you know that I did end up sleeping with (read as: had sex with) the guy that I was seeing. We weren't planning on it. It happened. It was great.
We are good friends and we see each other a lot especially with the wedding coming up. He is the best man and I am a bridesmaid so we get to help out with 'lil details. I hope to goodness that doesn't detour your reading. I mean, I like the guy and he has said that he likes me but isn't ready to be in a relationship so just hanging out as friends will have to be enough, and for now it is.
Well as far as spring break goes, it wasn't too bad. My son wanted to be the statue of liberty and so I spent an entire evening making him a crown out of paper plates and construction paper and paint. It turned out nicely!! He turned his dinosaur tail inside out so the scales did not show, and he was so happy!!
Okay in one week I will be going to comicon!! I am SOOO excited to meet my hero, John Wesley Shipp, the original Flash *in my eyes* and then on top of it i get to show off my awesome skills at makin costumes, especially with what I already have in my closet!! :D
Well this is about all i have to say
Tuesday, March 5, 2019
A Post
True to its namesake, March came in like a lion!!
We cancelled school Monday March 4 with temperatures at negative 16 with the wind chill!! There was also about four inches of snow. Luckily it was the fluffy powdery stuff.
Let me just update you on things so far.
My son was so sick but the doctors just kept saying it was a cold. Even with his temperature spiking to 104 at times. He was so good about it though, lots of cuddles and lots of over the counter medication.
At one point I was supposed to go out on a date, but needed to be a mom. Luckily the guy understood.
School has been going well. I have a great relationship with several of the students, but others not so much. I have hit a wall with one kid and hope that maybe i can get a little more information when I talk to the case manager.
To follow up on the date: rescheduled for this weekend, the beginning of March. We went and watched Alita Battle Angel. I highly recommend it. It has unexpected "feels." I bought the tickets and the popcorn and he got the drinks. It was a great combo really. He is so sweet. We went back to his place and watched Austin Powers. I have only ever saw that in bits and pieces. We stopped halfway through to go eat, and went back to finish it. Along with The Mask and Yes Man. It was a great way to end the weekend.
I also finished a book, Lucky Suit. So cheesy but a quick, easy read.
We cancelled school Monday March 4 with temperatures at negative 16 with the wind chill!! There was also about four inches of snow. Luckily it was the fluffy powdery stuff.
Let me just update you on things so far.
My son was so sick but the doctors just kept saying it was a cold. Even with his temperature spiking to 104 at times. He was so good about it though, lots of cuddles and lots of over the counter medication.
At one point I was supposed to go out on a date, but needed to be a mom. Luckily the guy understood.
School has been going well. I have a great relationship with several of the students, but others not so much. I have hit a wall with one kid and hope that maybe i can get a little more information when I talk to the case manager.
To follow up on the date: rescheduled for this weekend, the beginning of March. We went and watched Alita Battle Angel. I highly recommend it. It has unexpected "feels." I bought the tickets and the popcorn and he got the drinks. It was a great combo really. He is so sweet. We went back to his place and watched Austin Powers. I have only ever saw that in bits and pieces. We stopped halfway through to go eat, and went back to finish it. Along with The Mask and Yes Man. It was a great way to end the weekend.
I also finished a book, Lucky Suit. So cheesy but a quick, easy read.
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