frustration!!?

As much as I love my son, his crying gets to me. Today was one of those days. Z was crying while we were trying to watch Batman begins. I went to pick him up and immediately sat him back down because I found myself feeling like I would shake him. Its been a huge fear of mine so I always walk away. I mention we will have to watch the movie another time due to z needing caring and me not being able to understand let slond hear what is going on and hubby comments that he is always going to need cared for so we're never going to watch movies in peace again or watch TV that it just won't happen. My level of tolerance shot to the ground I did not like that answer so I got pissy. I said that he needs to go change lil ones diaper which he soaked through being as we're still trying to get the feel of this cloth diapering thing. He brings back a less crying lil one but still in his same clothes. Ugh! Just yesterday...well two days ago now, we had a conversation on how he felt I belittled him for not knowing how to poke the brownies and see if they were done and for not knowing that he has to let them cool before digging in, so I chose my words carefully. "Why didn't you change his outfit?" His response " you said diaper not clothes." Oh be still my tongue! NOT! " would you want to sit in wet clothes? No! Why make him? Give him here." He handed over z and I promptly took him upstairs to change him. I mentioned I was going to bathe him before feeding him and Garrett says to do it after so he is calmer, never mind that z has to have special attention due to his reflux and bathing after feeding is a no no. I looked at him as I put the bottle in the warmer. I asked him to get z ready for a bath and my heavens what a hassle!  I came back and z was still in his clothes! not even ready! I wanted to give him a quick bath then feed him, Garrett didn't have him ready. Yea, I'm ticked now. I practically ripped the diaper off, run to the bathroom so not to lose or waste the warm water and rush through washing z off. I ask if the bottle is ready as I put on his nightie. Garrett feeds him but as z is falling asleep, he tries to burp him. No problem, except he spit up on Garrett in his teaching clothes. To which Garrett says oh, so much for these. Sigh. If only he knew how many times I changed a day before the medicine. As frustration sets in, I left to wash and make bottles for the night. That did nothing to calm my nerves. Maybe I'm just testy because aunt flow is kicking my ass or because we only have 20 dollars to our name, or because I'm sacrificing so much to be out here alone all day and can't contribute to income. I'm selling off my possessions like flies but because the only things of value are our books and dvds we aren't getting many bites due to increased technology. I'm going to cancel my credit card to my favorite and only clothing store that has stuff that's cute that fits, changed our phone plan, and we have stopped going out to eat, anywhere, period.
I'm so glad I can call up a community member and ask for time off though because here shortly, I will need it, else I blow a fuse and lose it. Garrett and I were just sitting and I found an article on "spot the wrongs" it was a nursery picture and I looked and found. I read some comments out loud and Garrett remarks, are you done yet? To which I shut my computer and left the room. He tried to get me to come lay down but yea, I'm not going to, I'm too wired and not exactly in the mood to be around him.
PS conditioner does not get rid of all tangles.